Venting total emptiness

[therhydler]

I don't have anything left to do. I have lost interest for things I used to enjoy because it all just seems so pointless to me. I sit here looking for something to watch on Netflix. But I can't choose. And why should I watch anything anyway? Nothing seems interesting. Then for 5 minutes I debate in my head whether I should have some chocolate, which will make me feel crappy, make an omlette, which would be too much effort, have some cereal or have a banana. I decide on having nothing because I am not even hungry. What now? I hate this feeling of emptiness that pervades me. Does anyone else feel like this ever? The only thing I can get mildly excited about is planning a more peaceful way to ctb. It feels like shit.

 

[dysfunctional]

I don't have anything left to do. I have lost interest for things I used to enjoy because it all just seems so pointless to me. I sit here looking for something to watch on Netflix. But I can't choose. And why should I watch anything anyway? Nothing seems interesting. Then for 5 minutes I debate in my head whether I should have some chocolate, which will make me feel crappy, make an omlette, which would be too much effort, have some cereal or have a banana. I decide on having nothing because I am not even hungry. What now? I hate this feeling of emptiness that pervades me. Does anyone else feel like this ever? The only thing I can get mildly excited about is planning a more peaceful way to ctb. It feels like shit.

That's pretty much the definition of depression. I experience the same thing. I used to be an extremely stoked outdoorsman- fishing, skiing, hiking, mountaineering constantly. Now its a challenge to get out of bed and I debate the point of doing the smallest things. Once I became suicidal, it all got much worse. Then, everything seems REALLY pointless. Its hard to pull out of. I certainly haven't. Although I recently stopped taking my celexa and realized it was making me much worse.

 

[15dec]

Yeah, that's exactly what I get. Like I'm in some kind of limbo, dragging myself through each day. I used to get excited by the thought of seeing my friends but in the past week I've stopped caring. I think I could very easily shut off contact with everyone without batting an eye at this point and drift through my day on YouTube and SS now. I wish there was some way we could get rid of our emptiness. Sending you hugs ♡

 

[therhydler]

Yeah, that's exactly what I get. Like I'm in some kind of limbo, dragging myself through each day. I used to get excited by the thought of seeing my friends but in the past week I've stopped caring. I think I could very easily shut off contact with everyone without batting an eye at this point and drift through my day on YouTube and SS now. I wish there was some way we could get rid of our emptiness. Sending you hugs ♡

Hugs ♡

 

[JustAboutDone]

@therhydler :-( I'm sorry you are in this boat, honey. It's a tedious, boring, soul destroying place to be, isn't it? I have an A4 notebook and I tear out a page, and I tear it into 4 pieces to represent 4 chunks of the day. Then I write on my pieces tiny things to do - even if it's just file my nails or run a bath! And at the end of each 4 pieces I put a treat down. It helps me as I've always been a list person. Sending you a big hug and large packet of digestives

 

[therhydler]

@therhydler :-( I'm sorry you are in this boat, honey. It's a tedious, boring, soul destroying place to be, isn't it? I have an A4 notebook and I tear out a page, and I tear it into 4 pieces to represent 4 chunks of the day. Then I write on my pieces tiny things to do - even if it's just file my nails or run a bath! And at the end of each 4 pieces I put a treat down. It helps me as I've always been a list person. Sending you a big hug and large packet of digestives

Aww thank you ♡ maybe I will try this

 

[Northerngirl1965]

I don't have anything left to do. I have lost interest for things I used to enjoy because it all just seems so pointless to me. I sit here looking for something to watch on Netflix. But I can't choose. And why should I watch anything anyway? Nothing seems interesting. Then for 5 minutes I debate in my head whether I should have some chocolate, which will make me feel crappy, make an omlette, which would be too much effort, have some cereal or have a banana. I decide on having nothing because I am not even hungry. What now? I hate this feeling of emptiness that pervades me. Does anyone else feel like this ever? The only thing I can get mildly excited about is planning a more peaceful way to ctb. It feels like shit.

I understand. I dont want to eat or even watch Tv or go anywhere. Emptiness sucks. Yes, I have all my attention on this thread. Hiding in my room.

 

[Northerngirl1965]

Eating is a chore

 

[JustAboutDone]

Aww thank you ♡ maybe I will try this

Are you someone who likes to draw or paint? Any kind of craft? I know how intelligent you are from your writing and your linguistics so do you have a way to unwind? (Before your depression)

 

[therhydler]

Are you someone who likes to draw or paint? Any kind of craft? I know how intelligent you are from your writing and your linguistics so do you have a way to unwind? (Before your depression)

Yeah I had many ways but nothing seems to work now :/ I did have a period in my life when I drew a lot, it was fun. Maybe I should try forcing myself to draw, maybe I will find I can enjoy it. Thank you for your care ♡

 

[Northerngirl1965]

That's pretty much the definition of depression. I experience the same thing. I used to be an extremely stoked outdoorsman- fishing, skiing, hiking, mountaineering constantly. Now its a challenge to get out of bed and I debate the point of doing the smallest things. Once I became suicidal, it all got much worse. Then, everything seems REALLY pointless. Its hard to pull out of. I certainly haven't. Although I recently stopped taking my celexa and realized it was making me much worse.

Very hard to get out of bed. This forum is the only thing keeping me horizontal and I used to be a runner. Masters in psych and all, What good does it do me???

 

[therhydler]

Very hard to get out of bed. This forum is the only thing keeping me horizontal and I used to be a runner. Masters in psych and all, What good does it do me???

:( hugs

 

[Whatshername]

I feel exactly the same, then again many, if not most depressed people do. It makes me desperate and angry with myself. I'm sorry I don't have useful advice, but I would be a shit advisor if I tried.
I really hope the therapist you talked about the other day will turn out to be helpful. Hang in there girl

 

[therhydler]

I feel exactly the same, then again many, if not most depressed people do. It makes me desperate and angry with myself. I'm sorry I don't have useful advice, but I would be a shit advisor if I tried.
I really hope the therapist you talked about the other day will turn out to be helpful. Hang in there girl

Thank you ♡

 

[Redt2go]

Yupppp all the time. Black mirror is really good though

 

[therhydler]

Yupppp all the time. Black mirror is really good though

Seen it :)

 

[ctrl_alt_delete]

I don't have anything left to do. I have lost interest for things I used to enjoy because it all just seems so pointless to me. I sit here looking for something to watch on Netflix. But I can't choose. And why should I watch anything anyway? Nothing seems interesting. Then for 5 minutes I debate in my head whether I should have some chocolate, which will make me feel crappy, make an omlette, which would be too much effort, have some cereal or have a banana. I decide on having nothing because I am not even hungry. What now? I hate this feeling of emptiness that pervades me. Does anyone else feel like this ever? The only thing I can get mildly excited about is planning a more peaceful way to ctb. It feels like shit.

Very hard to get out of bed. This forum is the only thing keeping me horizontal and I used to be a runner. Masters in psych and all, What good does it do me???

I used to run every day, to and from my IT project management job. Eat healthily. Dress smartly. All of that everything. This past year I haven't even been able to watch a movie all the way through. I have no interest in anything, except ctb, and spending time here until I do. And yet I don't feel dead inside, but rather as if some huge mass of freezing water is held back by only the flimsiest of dams, and I am cheering on the cracks that are appearing in the dam wall. Just to let it all flow through me and let it all go...

 

[ctrl_alt_delete]

This is for you @therhydler <3
Also sending cherry bakewells xx

 

[therhydler]

This is for you @therhydler <3
Also sending cherry bakewells xx

Awwww thank you ♡ I love cats... my boy is the only thing that calms me a bit... stroking him or feeding him...

 

[Istanbulite]

I relate so much