Venting "too stable"

[angelalexandra]

a little while a go i had a trip to a psych ward and it was my first time seeing a psychiatrist about any of my shit, apparently when they tried evaluating me they said i had all the personality traits for c-ptsd and bpd (fear of abandonment, paranoia, easily getting unhealthily attached, atrocious self image) but that im "too good at regulating my emotions" for them to be able to actually diagnose me with anything. in the end they just threw me out with a diagnosis of an "adjustment disorder" and 2 weeks worth of lexapro. ive been dealing with this shit for so long that apparently im too good at masking symptoms to even qualify for real help. are fucking manic episodes where i run out in the cold at 2am screaming at strangers "too stable"? is having days where i cant force myself out of bed "too stable"? are frequent panic attacks and sh "too stable"? is 5 failed suicide attempts "too stable"?

the only thing stopping me from ctbing right now would be the guilt from the fact that by friends are also mentally ill enough that theyd blame themselves no matter what id write or say (and i know thats what happened last time and what would happen again) i wish theyd stop caring about the sinkhole of effort that i make and would put that time into caring for each other.

maybe if im lucky ill die in some tragic accident or act of god so no one has to live with guilt.

i dont even know why i care ill be too dead to feel guilty or upset i wish i could just be selfish.

 

[Pale_Rider]

When you're sitting across the table from a "threat" you're gonna shut down. Crappy Drs in my opinion. ( or maybe you are gonna open the gates of hell for them? )

 

[Hollowman]

Psychiatry's a joke. They don't know wtf they're doing.

 

[myfaultneverlived]

there are probably regulations which prevented her from diagnosing you

 

[weallhaveourghosts]

That sucks I'm sorry. I've had multiple failed attempts as well and have been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for years. I keep getting the "Oh it is just depression" diagnosis. Hmm I literally flew to New York from South Carolina once to kill myself but okay.

 

[Odwin]

there are probably regulations which prevented her from diagnosing you

From what I understand the prof just began the therapy and to make diagnose it usually takes at least a year. She's just guessing at the moment and to be fair that's the best she could do rn.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Psych ward doctors are the worst. The outpatient psychiatrists I've had are lovely though.

 

[vitbar]

imo their response was inadequate. You might really be below the clinical threshold for a bpd diagnosis. Ticking off symptoms on the DSM isn't enough. Still you clearly have issues that require more than they gave you.

 

[Archness]

Seems like they just wanted an excuse to not have another person in the ward at that moment.