Too scared to live too scared to die

[shadow11]

I want to ctb so bad but every time I get on the chair to kick it away the panic and survival instinct kicks in. I can get far enough off to start blacking out but that's where it ends. Help!

 

[Over n' Out]

You havnt tried after a few clonazepam+wine. That should make the difference.

 

[Tiburcio]

Same problem here, fear is very annoying

 

[shadow11]

You havnt tried after a few clonazepam+wine. That should make the difference.

I have both I just have to make sure cant run out of clonazepam if it doesn't work. Dr would never give me more . I take them every day for paralyzing anxiety. How many do you think it would take. I only take 2 mg a day now.

 

[Over n' Out]

5mg with wine should be enough. So it's only 3mg more than a normal day.

 

[shadow11]

5mg with wine should be enough. So it's only 3mg more than a normal day.

Thank you

 

[Over n' Out]

Thats = to 100mg diazepam which is a big dose for anyone

 

[shadow11]

Thats = to 100mg diazepam which is a big dose for anyone

Will I pass out before I get it done

 

[throwaway123]

Same here, currently waiting for a better opportunity.

 

[Imaginos]

Story of my life (and by extension the inability to end it). Too disgusted/disinterested to "live", too held back by crude biological forces like the damnable survival instinct to die. One of the worst predicaments there is. The boredom, the frustration, the restlessness, the suffocating anhedonic ennui of it all. If only this shit had some kind of fatal quality attached to it that would snuff me out in a matter of months. Death by literal boredom. It would be such a wonderfully fitting way for me to go out. Giant fuck you to this worthless universe.

Boredom is certainly not an evil to be taken lightly: it will ultimately etch lines of true despair onto any face.

Arthur Schopenhauer

 

[shadow11]

Story of my life (and by extension the inability to end it). Too disgusted/disinterested to "live", too held back by crude biological forces like the damnable survival instinct to die. One of the worst predicaments there is. The boredom, the frustration, the restlessness, the suffocating anhedonic ennui of it all. If only this shit had some kind of fatal quality attached to it that would snuff me out in a matter of months. Death by literal boredom. It would be such a wonderfully fitting way for me to go out. Giant fuck you to this worthless universe.

The survival instinct is what's getting me. I get the rope around my neck tighten it step off the chair and when things start turning black I back out. Damn this I'm not afraid of dying but my body wont let me.

 

[Putridsoul]

I can so relate to this. Fear is the only feeling I can fully experimentate, years of depression and emotional disfunction have taken away everything else. But boy,is fear a powerful feeling. One feeling that I can experimentate somewhat strongly is hate (though not love), but less so as time goes on. And I waste it mostly in hating myself, of course a big reason for the self hate is the cowardy, that I feel makes me underserving of existing.