
drag201
Member
- Oct 15, 2023
- 76
I have been wanting to commit for years but tried my best to hold back because I still had a slimmer of hope that I could get better. I can't. I don't want to live. I hear all the people around me making these long term plans and it's making me realise how much I just want to go as soon as possible. Waking up and having to go through the bare agony of being a conscious and self aware person is already so much, I don't want to do that for even 10 years more.
But I am terrified of attempting. I'm terrified of what comes after, if I fail, how it will be for the people close to me, how it look morally... etc. I guess it's normal because we are all scared of death by nature. I'm iust in this constant duality where I am exhausted of being alive and where I can't bring myself to ctb despite death and peace being all I crave. I wish I could just be erased from this world or realistically just die some other "natural" way. Suicide is so frowned upon. I'm tired of feeling ashamed all the time.
I'm not very good with writing long paragraphs like this, but if anyone else feels the same, I hope you can all find something to live for.
But I am terrified of attempting. I'm terrified of what comes after, if I fail, how it will be for the people close to me, how it look morally... etc. I guess it's normal because we are all scared of death by nature. I'm iust in this constant duality where I am exhausted of being alive and where I can't bring myself to ctb despite death and peace being all I crave. I wish I could just be erased from this world or realistically just die some other "natural" way. Suicide is so frowned upon. I'm tired of feeling ashamed all the time.
I'm not very good with writing long paragraphs like this, but if anyone else feels the same, I hope you can all find something to live for.