Too much shame and guilt

[sheburnedmedown]

Does anyone struggle with the same thing? How do you deal with it if there's even a way

It's been like this for way too long and I'll never be normal. It's the thing that separates me from other people, it's why I feel so alien. I've done many bad things, made bad decisions or simply none at all when I should've made one. And the sad part is that I cannot change the past. People say that since you can't change the past you should just forgive yourself and look towards the future but that's just cope. My life will never be the same again and the only way is to reverse those actions I've made and I can't. How do you even forgive yourself after that? I only have myself to blame and myself alone. Things could've been vastly different. But I can't change the past I can't forgive myself for it either

 

[itsgone2]

But I can't change the past I can't forgive myself for it either

It's awful. It's why I'll CTb.

 

[BooksIsAloneK]

Yeah :(

 

[greatfalls]

yeah I know how you feel. I've got suicidal wombo combo, but part of it is definitely the bad I've done. I have some solace in knowing I can still do much good before I die, to even out some of the bad. Even if I can't make things to the way they were before my gross destructive fingers got on them, I can still help some people and maybe even myself.

I think that might be purpose enough to live for now. I want to make some amends before I allow myself to die. I hope that by doing some good I can feel happy in life. I don't know, maybe you can find something in this? I don't know your exact situation, but you still have many chances to make things better I believe, even if you don't always believe it yourself.

 

[HNR17114168]

Does anyone struggle with the same thing? How do you deal with it if there's even a way

It's been like this for way too long and I'll never be normal. It's the thing that separates me from other people, it's why I feel so alien. I've done many bad things, made bad decisions or simply none at all when I should've made one. And the sad part is that I cannot change the past. People say that since you can't change the past you should just forgive yourself and look towards the future but that's just cope. My life will never be the same again and the only way is to reverse those actions I've made and I can't. How do you even forgive yourself after that? I only have myself to blame and myself alone. Things could've been vastly different. But I can't change the past I can't forgive myself for it either

Yeah, basically summarized how I feel perfectly. Sorry you are in the same boat as me.

 

[lunamoonki]

Does anyone struggle with the same thing? How do you deal with it if there's even a way

It's been like this for way too long and I'll never be normal. It's the thing that separates me from other people, it's why I feel so alien. I've done many bad things, made bad decisions or simply none at all when I should've made one. And the sad part is that I cannot change the past. People say that since you can't change the past you should just forgive yourself and look towards the future but that's just cope. My life will never be the same again and the only way is to reverse those actions I've made and I can't. How do you even forgive yourself after that? I only have myself to blame and myself alone. Things could've been vastly different. But I can't change the past I can't forgive myself for it either

I am going through exactly this. My guilt is eating away at me. I am spiraling into mental meltdown. I have materials and methods together to CTB. But it's not time yet. There are still things I need to do. My mental capabilities and emotional capacity is running near empty. I can barely function and it's seeping through the shadow like a disgusting manifestation of garbage and crap. I don't know much longer I can keep it together....

 

[zhaim]

Does anyone struggle with the same thing? How do you deal with it if there's even a way

It's been like this for way too long and I'll never be normal. It's the thing that separates me from other people, it's why I feel so alien. I've done many bad things, made bad decisions or simply none at all when I should've made one. And the sad part is that I cannot change the past. People say that since you can't change the past you should just forgive yourself and look towards the future but that's just cope. My life will never be the same again and the only way is to reverse those actions I've made and I can't. How do you even forgive yourself after that? I only have myself to blame and myself alone. Things could've been vastly different. But I can't change the past I can't forgive myself for it either

i feel the exact same way. i'll never be able to make up for my mistakes and it's hard to wanna live having to carry the burden of my decisions for the rest of my life.

 

[sheburnedmedown]

yeah I know how you feel. I've got suicidal wombo combo, but part of it is definitely the bad I've done. I have some solace in knowing I can still do much good before I die, to even out some of the bad. Even if I can't make things to the way they were before my gross destructive fingers got on them, I can still help some people and maybe even myself.

I think that might be purpose enough to live for now. I want to make some amends before I allow myself to die. I hope that by doing some good I can feel happy in life. I don't know, maybe you can find something in this? I don't know your exact situation, but you still have many chances to make things better I believe, even if you don't always believe it yourself.

I had my chances but blew them over. Trying to be kind but can't help but feel like it's inauthentic. It's not helping.