today is the day. i hope. thank you sasu

[booplesnoot34]

You're in KSA? Dude. The legal age of marriage is set at 18 years for boys and 16 years for girls. It's legal in your country. Get off of Twitter. They literally believe that 21 and 26 is just as bad. They know nothing. The best thing you could possibly do for your mental health is to get off of social media and never look back.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I did see some threads about them. its kinda making me not want to do it anymore.


thank you for your nice words

ill try i guess. I only have like. 17 on discord now or something maybe less. idk anymore. I did check on there but some of them are more worried and disappointed than upset. so thats nice.

I encourage you to start making some new friends of all ages between 18 and 81 . Make some older friends, it's good to have a few friends in each decade of life, going several decades up (and when you're older, also going several decades down but stopping at 18 lol). It's a good way to broaden one's perspective & keep learning about people in different generations & stages of life & their views of things.

 

[smirks00ts]

You're in KSA? Dude. The legal age of marriage is set at 18 years for boys and 16 years for girls. It's legal in your country. Get off of Twitter. They literally believe that 21 and 26 is just as bad. They know nothing. The best thing you could possibly do for your mental health is to get off of social media and never look back.

I would if I could
also I never see any 18 or 16 year old get married here. its probably old info or propaganda. anyone i see getting married is like in their 20's.
besides thats not a good excuse imo

I encourage you to start making some new friends of all ages between 18 and 81 . Make some older friends, it's good to have a few friends in each decade of life, going several decades up (and when you're older, also going several decades down but stopping at 18 lol). It's a good way to broaden one's perspective & keep learning about people in different generations & stages of life & their views of things.

I do have older friends, obviously. I appreciate the sentiment though.

 

[booplesnoot34]

I would if I could
also I never see any 18 or 16 year old get married here. its probably old info or propaganda. anyone i see getting married is like in their 20's.
besides thats not a good excuse imo

I do have older friends, obviously. I appreciate the sentiment though.

It's legal, and therefore that girl was deliberately leading you on to try to hurt you, even though you didn't do anything actually wrong. Don't let those morons get in your head.

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

I don't want to trigger anyone who might feel differently, but sexting someone who is 17 when you're 20 isn't pedophilia. I think most reasonable humans would agree.

You can find new friends, forget you ever knew them. This is nothing to CTB over.

I jumped 8 stories

I jumped 8 stories and survived. I woke up after a week coma, spent 3 months in hospital/rehab. I have life altering injures and scars. Everyone asks me what happened to me. I'm a walking (barely) failure and my trauma is visible, and will be for the rest of my life! I have lost friends and...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Noelia Castillo euthanasia case - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

And if it's concentual without any manipulation... Especially as I think in some countries the legal age is 16?

Like... what if the person was 1 day or a few hours from turning 18? Still technically 17 but... A few hours... Really?

Seriously I wouldn't CBT over this...

I mean... You were 20... Not 30 or 40 manipulating a minor (by Western laws)

 

[smirks00ts]

after some thinking I agrre with you all. I still want to CTB. I am sorry but despite your nice words, I cannot leave this out of my mind. I am still a horrible person (and even then PERSON is stretching it. i am less than human), and I need to leave the earth for the greater good. I do not want to deal with this anymore. the moment my first class starts, ill post my thread, and my few letters. it won't do jack shit. but at this point. I couldn't care less.

I can barely breathe. I am scared. But I want to do it. If I cant jump, ill figure something out, and keep trying to CTB again with different methods. maybe ill try stealing money for SN . I dont know anymore. I am sorry.

maybe its just my mind. I am sorry if I seem stubborn

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

after some thinking I agrre with you all. I still want to CTB. I am sorry but despite your nice words, I cannot leave this out of my mind. I am still a horrible person (and even then PERSON is stretching it. i am less than human), and I need to leave the earth for the greater good. I do not want to deal with this anymore. the moment my first class starts, ill post my thread, and my few letters. it won't do jack shit. but at this point. I couldn't care less.

I can barely breathe. I am scared. But I want to do it. If I cant jump, ill figure something out, and keep trying to CTB again with different methods. maybe ill try stealing money for SN . I dont know anymore. I am sorry.

maybe its just my mind. I am sorry if I seem stubborn

Do not act on impulse. See a psychologist and psychiatrist and get help first. Become their problem. You situation doesn't seem permanent. In my opinion suicide should only be a last resort when all else fails.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

And if it's concentual without any manipulation... Especially as I think in some countries the legal age is 16?

Like... what if the person was 1 day or a few hours from turning 18? Still technically 17 but... A few hours... Really?

Seriously I wouldn't CBT over this...

I mean... You were 20... Not 30 or 40 manipulating a minor (by Western laws)

Yes, yes, & yes.

Lol forgive me while I get pedantic asf for a moment. Concent means singing: voices harmonizing together. In Latin. Consensual means agreed upon by mutual consent (really).

 

[smirks00ts]

its the first class coming up now. im going to send my letters.

not my thread though. its practically pointless now.

my stomach hurts. I cant climb the bridge. im going to the class and turn off my data or something. good luck everyone

 

[Spite]

Twitter (and most social media for that matter) is a cancerous shitheap. Get off of it. I read your OP and personally I would seriously reconsider; I don't think this is worth ending your life over. You're only 20. You're hardly an adult yourself. I know life fucking sucks but you still have time on your side and this life is so random and chaotic and while most of it is bad there are some who are able to eventually find the good in it all and find things worth holding on for. You are not irredeemable. You are not a monster. Hell like it's a 3-year age gap, who cares? It's nothing really. I hope you are able to overcome this and you can look back on this someday and be glad you didn't make any rash decisions on impulse.

But if you are actually intent on ending it all today, and you are absolutely set on doing this, well, I hope you find peace.

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

Twitter (and most social media for that matter) is a cancerous shitheap. Get off of it. I read your OP and personally I would seriously reconsider; I don't think this is worth ending your life over. You're only 20. You're hardly an adult yourself. I know life fucking sucks but you still have time on your side and this life is so random and chaotic and while most of it is bad there are some who are able to eventually find the good in it all and find things worth holding on for. You are not irredeemable. You are not a monster. Hell like it's a 3-year age gap, who cares? It's nothing really. I hope you are able to overcome this and you can look back on this someday and be glad you didn't make any rash decisions on impulse.

But if you are actually intent on ending it all today, and you are absolutely set on doing this, well, I hope you find peace.

Somehow Sasu is the least toxic place I know of online and yet... Everyone wants to ban it ... Make it make sense...

 

[smirks00ts]

Twitter (and most social media for that matter) is a cancerous shitheap. Get off of it. I read your OP and personally I would seriously reconsider; I don't think this is worth ending your life over. You're only 20. You're hardly an adult yourself. I know life fucking sucks but you still have time on your side and this life is so random and chaotic and while most of it is bad there are some who are able to eventually find the good in it all and find things worth holding on for. You are not irredeemable. You are not a monster. Hell like it's a 3-year age gap, who cares? It's nothing really. I hope you are able to overcome this and you can look back on this someday and be glad you didn't make any rash decisions on impulse.

But if you are actually intent on ending it all today, and you are absolutely set on doing this, well, I hope you find peace.

thank you. im dead set on it. at least I hope.

being 20 is the worst. this year has genuinely been nothing but loss and misery and after things got well, I ruined it on my own.

I am too tired of rebuilding everything every few years. I just want to die and give up. itll make everyone happy. im going to be 21 in three months. it hurts.

-
its 11:27am. im in my last class before a fairly long break.

im planning to fall on the back on my head. not on legs or anything. I cant find a suitable floor sadly. its not guaranteed for falling. and i dont have another method nearby unless you count cleaning supplies methods. I keep yawning and tearing up often. I am horrified and I can barely walk properly

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

thank you. im dead set on it. at least I hope.

being 20 is the worst. this year has genuinely been nothing but loss and misery and after things got well, I ruined it on my own.

I am too tired of rebuilding everything every few years. I just want to die and give up. itll make everyone happy. im going to be 21 in three months. it hurts.

-
its 11:27am. im in my last class before a fairly long break.

im planning to fall on the back on my head. not on legs or anything. I cant find a suitable floor sadly. its not guaranteed for falling. and i dont have another method nearby unless you count cleaning supplies methods. I keep yawning and tearing up often. I am horrified and I can barely walk properly

Seriously id seek help. This still feels too impulsive without closure to know for certain life cannot improve. I mean I know it's rich coming from me as one of my attempts were caused from a page in a textbook being more complicated than I thought it would be except... I've been wanting to die for years so anything pushes me over... I always default to a suicide attempt for anything... Giving up is my default after YEARS of failure.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through all this. You deserve a better life!
Whatever you r gonna decide to to, I wish u all the best!

But remember, we're here for you and backing out isn't shame at all!

 

[smirks00ts]

Seriously id seek help. This still feels too impulsive without closure to know for certain life cannot improve. I mean I know it's rich coming from me as one of my attempts were caused from a page in a textbook being more complicated than I thought it would be except... I've been wanting to die for years so anything pushes me over... I always default to a suicide attempt for anything... Giving up is my default after YEARS of failure.

you are a normal person. I am a groomer pedophile. I am not redeemable.

I am walking to the few places I have in mind now. I will delete everything and never look back

ill update when anything happens or I back out. but until then. I hope all of you have a good life.

see you around
12:06pm

ill wait a little.
I want to pray just one last time..maybe god will forgive or things will somehow change.

I have a class at 1am. I wont take lunch and ill just ignore it.


ill listen to this song while I fall. so far the place is high but the railing is too hard to climb on. mainly because of my clothes.
ill try again. also the sun is burning me.

 

[darksouls]

however you decide,
I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you desire

 

[smirks00ts]

however you decide,
I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you desire

thank you. I will be attempting now.
I struggle with SI. but I hope it works.

goodbye everyone <3
to those I hurt. I know you wont read this. but I hope your days get to be easier now that ill be gone.
to my family. im sorry.

 

[westernromanpatriot]

yeah I can only join the previous posters: this aint stuff to CTB over, and as cliche as it might sound, this reflects on those idiots, NOT on you.

People on social media literally do this because "bullying others is fun", especially if everyone else is also doing it. They are NOT right in any way, they're literally exhibiting lynch mob mentality. They have deeply held insecurities and they want to belong somewhere, and what's a better way than to do that? That's right, the answer is ganging up on random outsiders for perceived moral slights.

I would write more but you'd probably use a more timely response:)

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

you are a normal person. I am a groomer pedophile. I am not redeemable.

I am walking to the few places I have in mind now. I will delete everything and never look back

ill update when anything happens or I back out. but until then. I hope all of you have a good life.

see you around
12:06pm

ill wait a little.
I want to pray just one last time..maybe god will forgive or things will somehow change.

I have a class at 1am. I wont take lunch and ill just ignore it.


ill listen to this song while I fall. so far the place is high but the railing is too hard to climb on. mainly because of my clothes.
ill try again. also the sun is burning me.

Im a normal person

Have you seen my suicide letter I posted?

I'll put it here for you. Please tell me how any of this is normal?

Also I hope it gets to be my Epitaph for my tomb stone if I'm privileged enough to get one:

I finally took control of my life and succeeded and achieved the ultimate promotion that matters the most.

Even if I wasn't too broken my life simply is. It's impossible to heal in a vacuum. Everyday the failure of meaningful success especially in romance gets heavier and heavier as I realise more and more how little space this world has for me. I am simply part of the too many. The noise in a crowd trying to get noticed by life.
I am a negative variable. Subtracting myself can only increase the total.

I do not see a future worth enduring for. Men only receive flowers on their graves. The world rejected me. Catastrophically. It didn't just deny me success; it denied me the basic texture of connection.

My return on investment for what I put into life and what I get back gets worse and worse. Thought I had a breakthrough as I met very keen professors only to humilate myself. Like in grave of the fireflies... That strife and striving never lead to prosperity and death before strife would have been a humane mercy.

Is it really worth striving so hard just for a journey for the same end. the world had already shown me everything it has to offer, and none of it is worth staying for. As the silence of my unlived life becomes a scream.

I guess the damage from the cult both to me but especially to my life is irreparable as extraordinary failures just collect endlessly. Diagnosed by a psychiatrist as delusional as well.

I'm 33 and I don't have a single meaningful success in my life. Not 1. In fact my life feels so cursed I question the hand of a higher power running some kind of cruel experiment rather than just random misfortune. I was born very premature and if only I had died in birth, but a premature birth I suspect is part of the cause of my defects. Excluding the adversity everyone else goes through a cult where I was told that god would judge me for my thoughts so not even my thoughts were my own for my golden developmental years and hit by lightning twice and my father who was suicidal and mentally unstable Infront of me. Bitten by a rat in the face on my own bed while asleep requiring traumatic rabies treatment. Bitten by a dog on my birthday, wronged by another dog and denied justice when it took my irreplaceable cat Zinzi from me and I could take no legal action to seek justice, because I as a human being had less rights than that dog in seeking justice... A perfect example of my lifes worth... It's truly extraordinary. It's difficult to believe I wasn't setup to fail from the very beginning. And to top it off hit by a tornado while in a car, in South Africa... Where tornadoes are extremely rare. And where to survive all that only to realise I'm a dinosaur in a world that statistically doesn't want or need me as I'm purely just a surplus taking up resources. Intervention is only prolonging suffering. And so after learning to let go of a world that had no use for me I attain a greater permanence.

Years out of the cult and I haven't been able to rebuild my life. And each day that gets heavier and heavier. If anyone wonders why I'm in a race against time this is it. Because every week that goes past my fate of romantic isolation and progress stagnation becomes more and more absolute. Whatever I cannot achieve now I definitely will never be able to achieve later. You cannot heal in a life you loath. I'm just noise in the background of other people's lives.

To my defence I tried everything. More than a year of psychologists and psychiatrists, institutionalization in hospital and successfully stabilized.

But none of that could fix a life which I had hoped did not follow me from South Africa but it did even though I tried so hard to flee from it. The fundamentals of life did not change in my favour. I am still part of the too many on this planet. Supply and demand are very clear here. I doubt I belong anywhere. Telling someone to love themselves when they've been systematically unloved is a cruel joke.

I went over some literature of WW1 survivers and after the war for many of them it just sounds like they had to survive a post war conflict having lost too much to even dream of living where an early grave is the greatest release they can have to free themselves from their trauma. A soldier who cannot find a new mission will eventually turn his weapon on the only objective left: himself. Or he will simply cease to be.

And so if given the choice to choose when to self euthanase... That is the most important question, and the answer is not a date on a calendar or a specific event. It is not when things get a little better, or a little worse. It is a feeling of finality. A deep, resonant certainty that has settled into my bones. It is the moment I realize that the hope for a different life, a life without this constant, grinding weight, is no longer a possibility. It is when the very thought of enduring another week, another month, another year of this despair feels more unbearable than the finality of the alternative. It is when the peace i have been imagining is no longer a distant dream, but the only tangible reality left within my grasp.

This is not an end but a completion... This is not an end but a return to a state of being before I was alive... before I was born...A peace I have long forgotten... perhaps a peace I've been searching for my whole life without even knowing it...The quite of a final gentle release... This is an act of reclamation...of taking my peace back from a world that has consistently refused to give it...

===================================
Ok. A 3yr difference. With someone concenting who's of a legal age in some countries.

Let's test here and now if you are a pedo or not.

Do you find either of these images sexualy attractive? I bet not? Point made?





Someone can be young and look adult enough to pass as an adult. Why the hell you think they need to see ID to sell alcohol or cigarettes?