Today I will order my SN

[Stroopwafel.]

After almost 1.5 years or doubting, I'm at the point that I'm actually ready to order SN. I've started my order many times before, but somehow I never felt 100% right about it and eventually ended up not placing the order.

For a while I wondered if I would ever feel any different or that this just is how it goes. I decided once again to hold off and not order it. This was about 2.5 months ago.

Today I feel so different. I have this feeling for some days now, I feel like I'm ready to order it, I feel that I really want it. I waited a few days to not handle in an impulse, to see if the feeling would change or go away. But what happend is that the feeling became stronger every day. Today I will finally place my order. I am ready for it.

I am done with this world. I am done with life. I think I am getting very close to being ready to die. Usually at these moments I feel some kind of sadness, and doubt. The last few days I feel so ready and convinced, I do not feel sad at all. I'm ready.

 

[WornOutLife]

Whatever you do, I wish you the best!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you well. Maybe having the SN in your possession might give you peace of mind, so you can leave if/when you want to, you know there is a way out.

 

[Thanatonaut]

Having a means to an end is comforting. In my case, just having it (Nitrogen exit bag rig) there eases the desire to CTB. It's always there if I need it.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

When I got possession of the SN I wanted to CTB less. Ultimately if the pandemic had got much worse in my country I probably would have carried out the CTB but it is subsiding now . And that's on an objective basis- not just saying it's subsiding because it's convenient to get you re elected while thousands die daily