To which extent should abuse and traumata be an excuse for misbehavior?

[noname223]

I have an acquaintance. He has a weird world view. We talked a lot today but he is too far gone. Too insane and obsessed about his ideas. I cannot reach him anymore with rational arguments. In the past I could but it gets worse with him. He is in his internet echo chamber and thinks 24/7 how to trigger the libs. Currently he told me he wants to read more texts of rightwing extremists and radicalize himself. I can tell about some of his beliefs. He once told me he thinks women should have no human rights (but he treats his gf very well though), he considers to become a racist, he is convinced of eugenics for humans etc.

My close friends ask themselves why I still talk to him. We have a similar childhood. Very abusive parents. Domestic violence which resulted in mentall illness. I can somehow see how he became this way. And I think with worse friends and a worse environment I could have become similar. I just feel for him. Moreover I somehow admire how he can cope with poverty and want to learn from that. (It is impossible he is used to it since his early childhood he adapted to it.)

I am not sure. I try to act morally and ask myself whether is really a good excuse to have been abused for developing such inhumane world views? I am not sure. Abuse, neglect and traumata is difficult to cope with. I mean he is smart enough to recognize his faults. I am just sick when he insults minorities. He is also quite paradoxical and says for example unemployed people are just lazy. He himself has no job and does not want one. This is a good example that logical arguments just don't work with him anymore. I pointed that out. And he said yeah he might search for one job in the future just not now. We both know that is a lie.

I sympathize with him (sometimes). Maybe too much? I think his life was really unfair. I think his abusive parents were even worse than mine. The things I know about them sound horrific.

In front of courts I think they also weigh in such factors. But it is difficult to assess that in a moral or judicial sense.

I am in a dilemma. I don't really have an answer for. But if I was part of the minorities he insults I would stop contact immediately. I am not sure whether I am a hypocrite. I hope by pointing out some thinking fallacies I could have a positive impact on him. But I think it rather gets worse and worse with him.

Do you think an abusive childhood is an excuse for such a behavior? And to which extent? Are there red lines which shall not be crossed?

 

[Someone123]

Do you think an abusive childhood is an excuse for such a behavior? And to which extent? Are there red lines which shall not be crossed?

Severe abuse over a long time causes so many problems that it gets too complicated to be confident for how to judge someone, we judge take our best guesses for how to interact with them. But the effcts of abuse are unpredictable. One person do some terrible things and then blame their abusive childhood and another may overcome it and go on to help others- so people say see, you can overcome it, but you don't know, abuse hits each person differently. An example can be seen by looking at one person who get s punched in the temple and it feels sore for a day and then is better and another person receives the same punch and their artery ruptures and they die. The first person may have said the other was too weak, but that's really not fair- abuse damages people differently, even if it looks the same in a general way.

 

[katagiri83]

There may be a causation between his trauma / abuse and his behavior, but no, it still does not warrant as an excuse for his twisted & dangerous ideologies. It is very admirable for you to try and make an impact on him with your beliefs. Though, you need to draw a line somewhere if it gets worse.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

None. I would only excuse self-destructive behaviour, not behaviour that harms others, coming from an abusive background myself. His beliefs are disturbing.