Tiny steps to get better

[Gossamer]

There is a lot going on, stacked up that makes me feel like I do not deserve to be around. My inability to help my best friend, who has been in a lot of pain and that I couldn't do anything about because I would dealing with my own issues, my PTSD, the guilt from my mistakes, everything I've done wrong that leaves a slimy feeling on my skin. I've no desire to connect back with people nor to form relationships again, because it seems I mess everything up and the anxiety it gives me turns me into even more of a bad person. Thus, I've been trying to focus on improving my environment and doing what I can to rest my mind.

I have many exams in January, that I hope to perform well in, so I'm grinding as much as possible, then I'll be reading a lot. Books are my favourite escape, because all the words on the pages burrow their way inside my mind and make me forget about my inner monologue. I hope to at least finish one book per week, maybe to do volunteer work and such too...

Anyone else has similar ideas to cope? It's not much, but tiny things to focus on help a little with breathing. I wish everyone a safer 2023.

 

[timf]

The books and volunteer work sound like good ideas. Relationships can be tricky especially if one goes right for the big one first (romantic). If you were to cultivate relationships through volunteer work such as reading to the elderly, you might be able to develop friendship relationships first that can be both rewarding as well as a stepping stone to more complex relationships.