Time constraints around CTB date: Birthdays, New Year, Work, Obligations

[BeautifulMosaics]

I'm just sitting here wondering how the hell my life became so suffocated by other people's shit. Literally last month I could've CTB whenever I wanted, but now, seeing as I want to be dead by Christmas and New Year and seeing as my family member has a birthday coming up, as well as an obligation I just agreed to yesterday which will also selfishly make me happy but then it would prolong when I ctb due to two days of work being the day afterwards, WHICH would then mean my CTB date being closer to that family member's birthday which I won't do to them.

I want to take next week off work but it's a small business and that adds to my pressure but at the end of the day we did what we did with less staff before, I'm going to be dead - what can I do?

FFS Lol, when did this happen!? I suppose I also have lacked the forsight.. Two of these things were sprung upon me (not without my agreeing however)... I always go with the flow and deal with the future when it comes and now I'm dealing with the consequences.

At the end of the day, that family member's birthday not being close to my ctb is the main priority. I'm actually sitting here with a calendar now planning out all my obligations and shit.. It's ironic because I've been free as a bird for quite a while. As I said it's just a consequence of my nature. I wonder has anyone else ever felt this? Like this urgency and squeeze of time and ironic social pressure even when they're going to be leaving this earth anyway. The sense that I can't be here for New Years is SO STRONG.

Heck.. Maybe I'm being spoilt. I know the real adults here have real lives and probably no time to themselves anyway.

 

[FarSquid]

I get that - the sense that you need to be gone but then the trivialities of life and obligations and schedules butting their heads in to make it difficult. For what it's worth, taking time off work probably won't be a negative for your coworkers. However, would the extra time gained by waiting until calendars free up after New Years help you in getting your plan to ctb fully ready?

And no, you're not being spoilt. Everyone has different tolerances, and that doesn't make anyone weaker or "bad", just different from how they perceive others.

 

[Emu]

I am in the same situation, I have family members birthdays coming up and then of course Xmas, I don't want to be here by the end of next week.
I certainly don't want to be here for next year!
I feel so bad, but i know I can't go on I've had attempts but failed recently, would've been better for everyone if they had worked!
I feel I'm going to try next week hopefully I'm running out of time and steam.