Venting Thoughts at work

[Life_and_Death]

My loved ones think i should get a brain scan, make sure i dont/didnt have a concussion or something. Why? Why not just make it worse? Whys it matter? Maybe ill break it just right and lose the ability to speak. Then i wont be a problem for people anymore.

Idc if it made this mostly stop (at least dull it down) i dont want to go back on my meds.

And then theres the ptsd. Whyd you stop? You called my bf saying i give great bjs after threating to rape me. You put a trojan on my computer then messaged me followed by messaging my bf. And then it all just stopped. At this point, years later, im either offically crazy and you just left me alone. Or youve been reading everything. And you know its about you. And youve just been sitting back and laughing. "Lol stupid girl". Well FUCK YOU!!! I dont have proof but i know it was you. I know it was all you. Youre the only one that would. The only one that had access. Youre fucking scum and i hate how i feel about it all...

I just want to bury all my problems. Just forget about them. Lalalalalalala they dont exist lalalalalalalalala. I dont care if it just destroys me more. Ill drink and cut and smoke up all i want. Fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it

 

[Life_and_Death]

And then theres the ptsd. Whyd you stop? You called my bf saying i give great bjs after threating to rape me. You put a trojan on my computer then messaged me followed by messaging my bf. And then it all just stopped. At this point, years later, im either offically crazy and you just left me alone. Or youve been reading everything. And you know its about you. And youve just been sitting back and laughing. "Lol stupid girl". Well FUCK YOU!!! I dont have proof but i know it was you. I know it was all you. Youre the only one that would. The only one that had access. Youre fucking scum and i hate how i feel about it all...

While its advised against, sometimes I want to message you, see where it goes. Maybe you'll just tell me to leave your life. That I shouldn't have messaged. But then maybe, you aren't done with me... I want to be used, hurt. Left in tears. I want to feel sick the way you made me feel back then. Sometimes the thoughts aren't too bad, but other times I can't help it

 

[Life_and_Death]

Just a hello couldnt hurt.....

 

[Huntfish34]

That is a Lot to take in and Im very sorry you have been subjected to all of this bullshit. I cant Totally relate to everything, but I can understand to a point with the few relationships / resentments Ive gone through (still going through ). I absolutely Hate it, this world.... This Life Im living in, its not fair at all.

Fuck All of those idiot dumbfucks for doing that shit to you, saying that shit to you... Im sorry that all happened. Fuckem !

I wish you the best in whatever may happen, you Deserve it whether you realize it or not. A simple hello couldnt hurt, I dont believe... but Fck Idk anymore.. My mind is So fucked with blame games, resentments, and basically just Life.... Life on Lifes terms... Its so stupid.

I wish you nothing but the best in whatever may happen, you are Worth it.

Butch

 

[Life_and_Death]

I wish you nothing but the best in whatever may happen, you are Worth it

I just simultaneously pushed 2 friends away...i dont feel to worth it.

You sound like youre having a hard time yourself