ge0rge
the satanic mechanic
- Jul 29, 2018
- 662
NB: this is my perspective as a person who's not nihilistic (just miles deep in horrendous grief), does not hate life at all (I believe life is great, just not my life especially) and finds the journey a bit rocky at times. I know that our experiences differ wildly and some won't relate to my hippie flower power perspective, and yet I am hoping to see if there are people who resonate with my ideas.
what I think makes this whole endeavor so awful is the seriousness of it. the planning, the writing of notes, the figuring out of when people should find you, etc. it's very off-putting. those things are obviously necessary and important, but of course everything's going to feel funereal and drab if the process itself is seen through this lens. "I've got three days left to live" or "in five months it'll all be over" sounds dramatic and maudlin and it puts a lot of pressure on the CTBer: it erases so much of what should be enjoyable and celebrated in life and it gives death more importance than it should ever have. I've realized that people who get to die suddenly - no plans, no notes, no expectations - must be the most blessed of us all, no matter the pain of those they leave behind. maybe CTB should be seen similarly: writing notes as practice, drafting a will just in case, and then, one day, accidentally mixing some preservative into your water instead of tea. it's all mental gymnastics in the end, but with practice I think the mindset can be shifted and peace can be obtained more smoothly.
what I think makes this whole endeavor so awful is the seriousness of it. the planning, the writing of notes, the figuring out of when people should find you, etc. it's very off-putting. those things are obviously necessary and important, but of course everything's going to feel funereal and drab if the process itself is seen through this lens. "I've got three days left to live" or "in five months it'll all be over" sounds dramatic and maudlin and it puts a lot of pressure on the CTBer: it erases so much of what should be enjoyable and celebrated in life and it gives death more importance than it should ever have. I've realized that people who get to die suddenly - no plans, no notes, no expectations - must be the most blessed of us all, no matter the pain of those they leave behind. maybe CTB should be seen similarly: writing notes as practice, drafting a will just in case, and then, one day, accidentally mixing some preservative into your water instead of tea. it's all mental gymnastics in the end, but with practice I think the mindset can be shifted and peace can be obtained more smoothly.
