Venting This is too much

[TiredHuman]

I'm so close to doing it. I truly am. I don't think I'm getting to april of this year. The only thing I need to finish are my university summer classes. I don't want to leave my teammates doing our final project alone. After that, I just need to find the most effective method and timing to run away and well, end it all.
I planned on breaking up with my girlfriend with some weeks in advance. But I can't.
She confronted me today asking me what was wrong, because I haven't been acting as my usual self recently, for obvious reasons. I had idk how many panic attacks anymore because of that. Seeing her so desperate to know and help me and having her own panic attacks as well got me. I'm hurting her so much. I hate this so much.
Today I had more problems with my mother. Today I did the most research on where I could go and what I could take to ctb (I've decided to overdose with something, I still don't know with what, but I'm going to ask in another thread later). I can't eat. I can't feel happy for more than 5 minutes. I'm so tired.
My eyes hurt from crying so much.
And this whole post is a mess.

 

[Crazy4u]

I'm sorry to hear about your suffering. It is hard to focus on studies and relationships when you are tired and suicidal. Quote: "She confronted me today asking me what was wrong, because I haven't been acting as my usual self recently"

Do you feel comfortable opening up about what's going on? it seems like you have not been suicidal for a long time.

 

[Frog]

Have a hug, buddy. Here's a big hug. It'll be okay. You don't need to CTB yet, I think. You still have some fight in you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are in so much pain. It sounds like you are going through a lot. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. I understand that it can be hard to carry on when you cannot take anymore of this life. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[OldDrummer]

I hear ya Brother, I hear ya.