I struggle a lot with my bipolar disorder. RIght now it is really really difficult. I am on the edge of a new manic episode. I quit a medication with many side effcts. I am just so sick of it. But seemingly I turn more and more manic. Also in the past I struggled with mania. Many people in my self-help group have a desire for a new mania. I don't have that. There are some reasons for that. I have read a lot about this illness and I know the mechanisms how mania deceives you. I hate to lose control thank you OCD. And becoming manic is kind of a loss of control. The feeling of a mania is so intensive and amazing. But I know the deadly consequences. After my last two manias/psychosis I turned extremely depressed and suicidal. I had unbelieavable psychosomatic pain. I think this was roundabout a 9/10 on a pain scale. For roundabout 1,5 years. Damn this was insane. Yeah with qutting this medication I kind of risk my life. What really worries me my highly addictive and very strong emergency medication does not even work. This is really scary I don't know why exactly.
I try to relax but even very very mild stress can cause manic symptoms. I am really scared what will happen when I have more stress. I can't only relax like in the past weeks. I am really desperate. I might increase another medication which works against mania. My psychologist and I came to the consclusion we still wait whether my brain adapts to the new circumstances. I doubt it but I could be wrong. Next week I talk with my psychiatrist about it. Damn I am really scared. But I absolutely hated the side effects of the old medication. I barely could eat anything without gaining weight. Now after I quit i I almost faint when I stand up. My vision turns black. I think this is a sign that my metabolism increases again which is really good. I don't want to be hungry 24/7. I have atypical anorexia so no gaining wieght is no option.
Now to the title. Yes this forum is a good way for me against my mania. I fight a lot against mania. It really was difficult. I have the feeling currently I am losing this fight. But in the past this forum helped to prevent my mania. In this forum I am often very self-reflective, people give me feedback and it is just relieving to talk about my emotions. Talking openly about them in this forum is really helpful. I think absolutely no professional would ever recommend that but I try to think actively about my depression when I am in danger of getting manic. For me this is really helpful. But probably for many people this advice would be very counterproductive. I have not told that to my therapist. I could imagine many professionals would advice against that. But for me this is a really good way to avoid mania. I just need to be reminded by the deadly consequences of getting manic. Then the desire for getting manic disappears. I do this a lot. Trying to think actively about my depression. Always in the evening I give these thoughts a space. I also allow myself more suicidal thoughts. It is like a valve to write in this forum about it. I do this daily. Even when I am not in danger of getting manic. My therapist always tells me how self-reflective I was. As I said this is probably not an helpful advice for other people. But for me this helps to prevent mania.
However since roundabout 2 weeks even this forum is not enough to stop my mania. Obvioulsy there is also the need of the right medication. I am really scared. I try to think about the deadly consequences but the manic symptoms are too strong...my coping skills are not working.
I try to relax but even very very mild stress can cause manic symptoms. I am really scared what will happen when I have more stress. I can't only relax like in the past weeks. I am really desperate. I might increase another medication which works against mania. My psychologist and I came to the consclusion we still wait whether my brain adapts to the new circumstances. I doubt it but I could be wrong. Next week I talk with my psychiatrist about it. Damn I am really scared. But I absolutely hated the side effects of the old medication. I barely could eat anything without gaining weight. Now after I quit i I almost faint when I stand up. My vision turns black. I think this is a sign that my metabolism increases again which is really good. I don't want to be hungry 24/7. I have atypical anorexia so no gaining wieght is no option.
Now to the title. Yes this forum is a good way for me against my mania. I fight a lot against mania. It really was difficult. I have the feeling currently I am losing this fight. But in the past this forum helped to prevent my mania. In this forum I am often very self-reflective, people give me feedback and it is just relieving to talk about my emotions. Talking openly about them in this forum is really helpful. I think absolutely no professional would ever recommend that but I try to think actively about my depression when I am in danger of getting manic. For me this is really helpful. But probably for many people this advice would be very counterproductive. I have not told that to my therapist. I could imagine many professionals would advice against that. But for me this is a really good way to avoid mania. I just need to be reminded by the deadly consequences of getting manic. Then the desire for getting manic disappears. I do this a lot. Trying to think actively about my depression. Always in the evening I give these thoughts a space. I also allow myself more suicidal thoughts. It is like a valve to write in this forum about it. I do this daily. Even when I am not in danger of getting manic. My therapist always tells me how self-reflective I was. As I said this is probably not an helpful advice for other people. But for me this helps to prevent mania.
However since roundabout 2 weeks even this forum is not enough to stop my mania. Obvioulsy there is also the need of the right medication. I am really scared. I try to think about the deadly consequences but the manic symptoms are too strong...my coping skills are not working.
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