konchenaya
Member
- Mar 31, 2026
- 5
Ive tried the psychward after the ambulance has been called on me for self harming, got on meds that were supposed to flatline my emotions but even then my surroundings trigger tf out of me like
Ive suffered from bpd *diagnosed* for like my whole life and no amount of trying with dbt self help books, complying with the psychward, trying to be understanding with people that just wreck me, taking the meds perscribed, trying to romanticise life by self care and or forcing positivity it just all crumbles after every day or two i try
There isnt even any energy left in me to make a plan or go through with it even getting up and getting the blade is so nerve wrecking im thinking of not even getting up to pee idgaf
I know my feeling of not wanting to live is real since im still mad as fuck that my first two attempts did not work i really wanna go back and do it better since i dont have any funds or mental capacity to get in touch with the other side of the internet to buy any pills that i could possibly OD on since thats kind of my romanticised method of choice.....
I dont see any timeframe in the near or distant future when im going to get well or going to be able to flip my life around into something bearable and worthy of aspiration
also sorry for not wording any thoughts in a proper way i havent been a collected or structured soul since maybe age 15
Ive suffered from bpd *diagnosed* for like my whole life and no amount of trying with dbt self help books, complying with the psychward, trying to be understanding with people that just wreck me, taking the meds perscribed, trying to romanticise life by self care and or forcing positivity it just all crumbles after every day or two i try
There isnt even any energy left in me to make a plan or go through with it even getting up and getting the blade is so nerve wrecking im thinking of not even getting up to pee idgaf
I know my feeling of not wanting to live is real since im still mad as fuck that my first two attempts did not work i really wanna go back and do it better since i dont have any funds or mental capacity to get in touch with the other side of the internet to buy any pills that i could possibly OD on since thats kind of my romanticised method of choice.....
I dont see any timeframe in the near or distant future when im going to get well or going to be able to flip my life around into something bearable and worthy of aspiration
also sorry for not wording any thoughts in a proper way i havent been a collected or structured soul since maybe age 15
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