therapist is becoming suspicious

[hybridtheory]

so I have no friends and the only person I have to vent to is my therapist. I haven't told her that I'm becoming suicidal again, but she can definitely tell that I'm not doing well.

i had this long running streak of feeling stable and things were looking up, but something happened (not exactly sure what) and all of a sudden everything is crashing. I can now list off all of the signs that I'm becoming depressed again.

but I also can go from completely empty and feel absolutely worthless one day to feeling superior and hopeful the next, it doesn't make any sense. I just know on those bad days ctb is very possible. I promised myself I would never go that route ever again, but idk when I don't finish what I started (with my previous attempts) I take it as a challenge with myself. I want to be able to accomplish something... so I think I'm ready to start planning and my therapist is definitely going to catch on at some point because I'm an awful liar, which if I get caught then I'm going to be screwed.

sorry for the long rant, thanks for reading if you got this far.

 

[Foogs]

You can talk to therapists about feeling suicidal, just don't ever tell them you're actively planning to ctb and you're good

 

[hybridtheory]

You can talk to therapists about feeling suicidal, just don't ever tell them you're actively planning to ctb and you're good

I'm just always paranoid, I feel like I can't trust anyone with my suicidal thoughts without the fear of getting thrown into a hospital

 

[Foogs]

I'm just always paranoid, I feel like I can't trust anyone with my suicidal thoughts without the fear of getting thrown into a hospital

If they're a therapist you get along with I'm sure you're fine. Just make it VERY clear you're talking about how you feel and that you don't actually want to CTB or plan to (even if that's a lie). You can even tell them you're worried they'll misunderstand and section you

It's the difference between saying "I feel like I want to punch someone in the face" and "when I leave this building I'm going to punch a random person in the face".

 

[littlelungs]

You can talk to therapists about feeling suicidal, just don't ever tell them you're actively planning to ctb and you're good

Yeah, at least from my experience, they're most concerned about whether you have a plan or not, and if you intend to act on it in the near future. Mostly just wanting to ensure that you're not "a threat to yourself or others" – a phrase that I'm sure a lot of us here have heard from a health professional at some point or another.

I've told lots of therapists about being suicidal but I always denied that I had a plan, whether that was true or not. One time I said that I had the feeling that I was going to kill myself at some point in life, but that I didn't have an exact plan or whatever, and they still didn't section me.

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. Depression is a bitch.

 

[Foogs]

Mostly just wanting to ensure that you're not "a threat to yourself or others"

Exactly this.

 

[Largeletters]

I'm just always paranoid, I feel like I can't trust anyone with my suicidal thoughts without the fear of getting thrown into a hospital

I relate to this a lot, I'm sorry. It's hard to be honest with the constant threat hanging over your head.

 

[112]

It is unfortunate. I have a plan for Friday morning. It would be nice to talk about this with someone. But I cannot. People who are truly at their end will not put themselves at risk of section. They therefore have their emotional needs neglected in their final days.

I imagine there is no research on this, but I would not be surprised that if suicidal populations were given the option of describing plans and intentions without risk of incarceration, the suicide rate would go down.

For me, I am past the point of help but would still like someone with a license to speak with. If they're good, they understand people better than one's average peer. But it seems I am going to die lonely.

 

[Carrotcake]

As long as you don't tell them about the date you have said it should be fine. Only if you express to be an active risk (gonna ctb with method x on date y) they can take action. That's in the area I'm from, anyway. Policy may vary.

But I have talked a lot about being suicidal, my method, having the means etc. but I don't have an actual date set so everyone is always like "yeah ok sucks for you bro anyway thanks for telling us bye now"

 

[FuneralCry]

Being stuck in a hospital is my worst fear, so it is why I would never tell anyone about my thoughts. I understand how hard it is though, as you want to confide in your therapist but you are worried about saying too much. Depression really can be exhausting. I wish you well.

 

[Pure]

I imagine there is no research on this, but I would not be surprised that if suicidal populations were given the option of describing plans and intentions without risk of incarceration, the suicide rate would go down.

100%. It's why I use ss now and in the past. It's so cathartic to discuss plans and intentions even if you don't act on it with people who 1) actually understand you 2) won't section you 3) respect your bodily choices

 

[LostSoul1609]

Keep in mind that most therapisy try not to break trust unless it is extremely necessary for your health, so you can tell them you're suicidal, just don't tell that you're planning and the method.
Also depending on your country even if they know you're planning they can't take action.
I live in Italy and my therapist couldn't do anything even when I told her I was planning, she couldn't force me into a ward or anything.

Apart from that, if you're going through therapy maybe you shouldn't consider your therapist as an enemy, just saying, try to address why you are going there, they can offer help that isn't just shoving you in a mental ward. Just think about all your possibilities before planning to ctb.
Peace ❤