Venting The mental hurdle of CTB

[Pururin]

It's ridiculous. When I have the mental resolve I am incapacitated by depression, and when I have the motivation I am halted by the hurdle (possibly lacking resolve at that time). What the hell, brain. It's crazy that I can self harm through fat to fascia, through veins and nerves, but I can't take the final jump to end the suffering.
At this rate I guess I should just hope I die from blood loss because it's seeming more likely at the moment.

 

[CoalmineCanary]

 

[Gerard de Nerval]

I've learned that the better things get for me, the more inclined I am to make an attempt. It's a sort of intense mania that compels me. Some people might not have this perfect concoction of emotions, but I do due to the guilt of a close friend's/partner's suicide. There might be that perfect storm for you?