Help The floodgates are open, im extremely emotionally raw please help

[wasteandvoid]

I started processing my trauma i let my guards down and everything came down. I FEEL emotions again I hate ny parents for what they done to me. Im in so much pain I dont want to talk to others they dont get it. Everything makes sense and nothing makes sense im in so much pain and confusion, im relearning how to live how to a human what a human is. Life is better but i am missing so much the dissociative mental barrier is gone that used to protect me i miss it. I used it to protect myself and fend off the future and prepare. I feel so afraid i feel like ill never be prepared life will never be the same again ill get hurt again without it. Im afraid next i will be worthless and in pain again. I dont know what to do my mind wants to say dont post this you have bad grammer you repeat yourself but even in that fear i want to post anyway. Its not really a help thread i just want to be heard


Edit I feel ok im taking it so slow i went so fast in the beginning i intellectually bypassed a lot maybe its catching up to me. Im resisting writing things down as much as i did and scares me becauseci dont want to lose them but i also want to give attention to emotions

 

[Burnout_Wizard]

I feel and hear you, I'm in a similar space. It feels like I haven't lived most of my life and I now have to learn how to exist as myself and figure out what 'myself' even means.

 

[Hehe_ducks]

Hope you're doing better, this kinda of thing is very hard to do, I've come close to it but never went all the way to stop disassociating, you're brave <3

 

[wasteandvoid]

I feel and hear you, I'm in a similar space. It feels like I haven't lived most of my life and I now have to learn how to exist as myself and figure out what 'myself' even means.

I hope it goes well for you and you can continue to progress without pain smoothly i know it will be painful, but i hope you can be vulnerable and let things out safely

Hope you're doing better, this kinda of thing is very hard to do, I've come close to it but never went all the way to stop disassociating, you're brave <3

thank you it means a lot it took a really long time to get here, be with yourself its ok to be vulnerable and be safe find out where you are forcing yourself to toughen up and why, and let down your walls if youre ready. i cant stress that enough make sure youre ready because i almost wish i didnt do this right now I dont feel safe where im living. try to allow emotions no matter how painful or how much you reject them or deny them, instead of pushing them down with thoughts. let it come because its trying to tell you something, and if you judge it thats fine also. try to notice in situations where unsaftey is triggered and an emotion comes thats painful explore it and see where it came from, from a long time ago probably. This is how i started because I was extremely afraid of people and hated talking to them I was thinking they treated me as lesser. I went to the source and now im really confused but at least im growing. so make sure you are ready and be with yourself. its like they are stuck emotions that are triggered when a similar situation happens from the past. i know thats unorganized but maybe itll help you, also write things down if you tend to forget and are afraid of that. i started by doing that and eventually i got to where i am now and i feel things more strongly. go easy and be gentle with yourself theres no need to rush if you dont feel ok