Venting The Capitalist Dream that is Death

[Yamrajsimp]

I am a middle class woman in India and money is always a problem. I have to go to a different city after just coming back from there due to all the covid bullshit for my post graduate studies and I am freaking out about the expenses. Even ordering a simple meal or getting a taxi is something I have to think about 100 times. And, then graduate level academic pressure on top of that. I have been crying everyday for months now.
And everyday I keep coming back to my little list of things I need for a comfortable SN death but I realise, I still need a hefty sum to buy all those things from reputable sources. And, even for this I am too poor. I keep hating myself for not having the balls to hang myself or jump off of somewhere, but I just know I don't have the courage. I did get drunk once and I climbed my 2 story terrace, but it was clear I wouldn't die from that fall. I just wish it was at least easy to die. But nothing can ever be easy.

 

[myopybyproxy]

that shows the idiocy in statements like 'suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem' - financial hardship will continue to exist as long as society exists.

the struggle is real. i can relate in some small way. although i have been blessed to have parents who allow me to live with them and provide for my basic needs (food, clothing, shelter, and are kind enough to also pay for my undergraduate tuition) i had to raise the funds for my method on my own as well and got scammed a fair bit in the process. before i got a part time job i obtained that money through prostitution.

i wouldnt recommend what i did to anyone but if youre that desperate, youre that desperate. ultimately it is your choice what you do but please take precautions to stay as safe as possible if you choose to go that route.

what if you got drunk and hung yourself? obviously with the anchor and setup planned out beforehand so as to reduce the risk of fumbling once drunk and failing.

 

[Yamrajsimp]

that shows the idiocy in statements like 'suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem' - financial hardship will continue to exist as long as society exists.

the struggle is real. i can relate in some small way. although i have been blessed to have parents who allow me to live with them and provide for my basic needs (food, clothing, shelter, and are kind enough to also pay for my undergraduate tuition) i had to raise the funds for my method on my own as well and got scammed a fair bit in the process. before i got a part time job i obtained that money through prostitution.

i wouldnt recommend what i did to anyone but if youre that desperate, youre that desperate. ultimately it is your choice what you do but please take precautions to stay as safe as possible if you choose to go that route.

what if you got drunk and hung yourself? obviously with the anchor and setup planned out beforehand so as to reduce the risk of fumbling once drunk and failing.

I have thought of that and even tried. But, I'm never drunk enough. Last time I tried I vomited before I could carry out my plan.

 

[myopybyproxy]

I have thought of that and even tried. But, I'm never drunk enough. Last time I tried I vomited before I could carry out my plan.

yep, it is a tightrope balancing act trying to find the just-right amount of chemicals to tip over the survival instinct

 

[FuneralCry]

More than anything I wish it was easier to die as well. I am held back by the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failure. I just want freedom from all suffering, existence can be very horrible. I'm sorry you are going through this, I know that it can be unbearable when everything is hopeless. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.