I've decided to no longer give a damn about social conventions and conforming to other people's opinions and expectations. Unless it concerns my livelihood of course and within the bounds of the law.
A concrete example: a woman whom I've been seeing slighted me by ignoring an invitation to go see a movie. Only two days before the day I proposed she sent me an SMS stating she was ill and had a lot of work and could therefore not meet me on the proposed day. Strange that she assumed we'd meet when she did not agree to it.
I replied I find it disrespectful not to reply to an invitation (be it positive or negative) within a reasonable timeframe. She answered with a bunch of nonsense: I should have let her know I needed an answer asap (as if my time isn't by definition valuable), it wasn't her fault she was ill (as if that was the issue), I didn't know her at all if I thought she was disrespectful (obviously I don't know her well as that requires time and honesty), blablabla.
My answer: since I value other people's time I wouldn't dream of doing what she did. I did let her know that if I didn't care about her I would have simply let her know I no longer wished to see her.
Either she at least acknowledges my point of view and I'll continue to see her or she doesn't and I'm well rid of her.
In either scenario I win: either she turns out to be a decent person and there may be a real possibility of friendship or she's not and I no longer have to waste time on her.
Far be it from me to advise others on how to lead their lives but I see a lot of people on this forum having difficulty with others so this story may be of some use.
Of course this does not pertain to mentioning one's suicidality as this might land you in hot water with the law but I think having to pretend is exhausting, painful and useless so perhaps being honest about one's predicament or convictions might be beneficial. If one loses people that way so be it: it's my conviction that a) most people aren't worth even a minute of one's time and b) being alone is preferable to feeling lonely in the company of others for lack of authenticity and honest communication.
"This above all: to thine own self be true." (Hamlet, act 1, scene 3)
A concrete example: a woman whom I've been seeing slighted me by ignoring an invitation to go see a movie. Only two days before the day I proposed she sent me an SMS stating she was ill and had a lot of work and could therefore not meet me on the proposed day. Strange that she assumed we'd meet when she did not agree to it.
I replied I find it disrespectful not to reply to an invitation (be it positive or negative) within a reasonable timeframe. She answered with a bunch of nonsense: I should have let her know I needed an answer asap (as if my time isn't by definition valuable), it wasn't her fault she was ill (as if that was the issue), I didn't know her at all if I thought she was disrespectful (obviously I don't know her well as that requires time and honesty), blablabla.
My answer: since I value other people's time I wouldn't dream of doing what she did. I did let her know that if I didn't care about her I would have simply let her know I no longer wished to see her.
Either she at least acknowledges my point of view and I'll continue to see her or she doesn't and I'm well rid of her.
In either scenario I win: either she turns out to be a decent person and there may be a real possibility of friendship or she's not and I no longer have to waste time on her.
Far be it from me to advise others on how to lead their lives but I see a lot of people on this forum having difficulty with others so this story may be of some use.
Of course this does not pertain to mentioning one's suicidality as this might land you in hot water with the law but I think having to pretend is exhausting, painful and useless so perhaps being honest about one's predicament or convictions might be beneficial. If one loses people that way so be it: it's my conviction that a) most people aren't worth even a minute of one's time and b) being alone is preferable to feeling lonely in the company of others for lack of authenticity and honest communication.
"This above all: to thine own self be true." (Hamlet, act 1, scene 3)
