Thanatophobia

[RheaLovesCoffee]

Been a while since I posted something here.
Idk why am posting this. Maybe just because I can.
Ever since my first and last attempt, I have been extremely afraid of death. I wanted to die before but after having that experience, I have been so scared. Like, outta my mind kinda scared. Two yrs ago, I had pneumonia and my oxygen lvl was severely low. I was panicking cuz i thought i was gonna die. I was so fcking scared my parents had to call my therapist to my room.
Every time I remember I'm mortal, I lose my fcking mind and panic. I was panicking just a second ago cuz... idk my brain decided that thinking abt my deathbed at the age of 18 is a cool thing.

The fact I'm going to die eventually and idk when scares me. I cry every time i think abt it. I dont want to me immortal either though, that means I'd have to see others around me die and lose people all the time. I dont want that. but the fact idk what comes after scared the fck outta me to the point i feel nauseous and i get a bad headache. I've been super stressed abt university and all as well cuz ofc education needs money. I wanna go study in UK but international student fee is high that domestic students. I am not rich enough to afford it without loans. I really wanna go to UK cuz i see more opportunities there than my home country here. So, now with that stress i have to deal with random panic attacks because of my existential thoughts. I kinda feel like a whiny bitch cuz everyone here has so many worse problems than mine. My therapist keeps telling me that it's okay and my pain matters as well but yea... Kinda hard to accept.
I am not even, like, 40 or something. I'm 18. Still i am so scared of death. If going by avg lifespan, I am nowhere close to death. but ofc life is weird and volatile. So, idk.
I also hv my exams going on rn and these thoughts are distracting. Anyways, imma just post this here cuz... idfk. I should go study fr. I need that scholarship...

Y'all take care!

 

[_Gollum_]

What sometimes gives me comfort is knowing this: literally every single human that has ever lived has gone through this process. If they have all been able to go through it, in all sorts of different circumstances, I will be able to do so too. Every living creature knows in its bones how to die; I trust my body to be able to go through that process. I have been watching a channel by a hospice nurse lately (which I would highly recommend watching), and her videos confirm this notion. It's not so bad in those last few moments. Your body knows how to die.

 

[RheaLovesCoffee]

What sometimes gives me comfort is knowing this: literally every single human that has ever lived has gone through this process. If they have all been able to go through it, in all sorts of different circumstances, I will be able to do so too. Every living creature knows in its bones how to die; I trust my body to be able to go through that process. I have been watching a channel by a hospice nurse lately (which I would highly recommend watching), and her videos confirm this notion. It's not so bad in those last few moments. Your body knows how to die.

Tbh, im not afraid of the process of dying. I am afraid of what comes after. ofc body knows how to die but it's the conscience pt that scared the fck outta me. i am not a believer in god, if anything i hv beef with that guy. so it scares me more n all because idfk what comes next. heaven? hell? nirvana? rebirth? idk and it scares me that idk and maybe... maybe there's nothing after. but what does that nothing feel like? or look like? it's the void pt that scares me and the fact i'd just... stop being one day. And i think i hv heard and/or watched that channel once or sm. tbh it all scares me. even if someone told me the process n all, I'd only get more and more scared of it.
thanks for the recommendation tho! wish you the best!

 

[FoolClimax]

Benzodiazipines

 

[RheaLovesCoffee]

Update: idk it's kinda getting worse... I can't go two hrs or so without having these thoughts which make me panic. I'm 18, dude. But still the fact I'll die for sure one day is making me panic and cry fr. I can't go to therapy rn because I hv exams n all so I'm busy studying. So I gotta wait till my exams are over.
It's just so annoying and scary. I dun wanna be immortal fr but I also am terrified of death. What if there's nothing after? I dun wanna face it... Rn too I'm having bad thoughts abt it... ahhhhhh-

 

[_Gollum_]

Tbh, im not afraid of the process of dying. I am afraid of what comes after. ofc body knows how to die but it's the conscience pt that scared the fck outta me. i am not a believer in god, if anything i hv beef with that guy. so it scares me more n all because idfk what comes next. heaven? hell? nirvana? rebirth? idk and it scares me that idk and maybe... maybe there's nothing after. but what does that nothing feel like? or look like? it's the void pt that scares me and the fact i'd just... stop being one day. And i think i hv heard and/or watched that channel once or sm. tbh it all scares me. even if someone told me the process n all, I'd only get more and more scared of it.
thanks for the recommendation tho! wish you the best!

I get the fear about what comes after. I'm scared there's going to be an afterlife -- when I die I want to simply cease existing, total nothingness. I can understand how that too could be scary though. But think about it -- Earth is 4 billion years old. You didn't exist for 99.999999999999% of that time. You were in that state of nothingness. If there is nothing after death, then it would simply be returning to the state you were in before you were born. And were you being hurt during all that time, during the 4 billion years you didn't exist for? No, so presumably it will be that way for the next 4 billion.

Sorry I can't give you much more than that :\ I'd definitely consider therapy once you have the time for it, you can probably find one specialized in thanatophobia who can give you coping skills for it.