Tentative goodbye thread

[Toxic Positivity]

I am not committing to this 100%, but next week, if the weather is nice (April 20), I want to go somewhere closeby and lie in the grass and drink my N. I am tired of living this life and have no clear path towards anything better, and my optimism and perseverance have run completely dry.

 

[allesistgut]

big big hug.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I know that it is hard to carry on when you are so tired of everything. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[wljourney]

I love the idea of being in nature too. Watching the sunset.
Whatever you decide, you're not alone.

 

[T-StayResident]

Sounds like a beautiful ending.

 

[symphony]

All my love and support to you, OP.

 

[Of The Universe]

I love the idea of being in nature too. Watching the sunset.
Whatever you decide, you're not alone.

That's the problem! If you're outside,A do good may spot you. Think it through. Make sure you will not be found.

 

[Toxic Positivity]

Brief update: I'm not sure if I am going to go through with it on the 20th. I feel pulled in both directions. I have a sense of hope that my life could be better if I changed my behaviors, mixed with a deep sadness that comes from knowing just how hard it is to actually change. I don't want to carry hope without acting to make my life better, but I feel too weary and stuck in my ways to do what I would have to do to have a good life. There is the knowledge but not the will.

So I am not entirely sure what will happen, what I will decide, but I will update again on the 20th.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

It is never to late to turn things around

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I'm not sure how things will turn out, but I'd like to express my gratitude for engaging with me in the chat. It made my first visit there a pleasant one.

Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck.

 

[DangerRanger]

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you nothing but the best. We support you

 

[magicalsarcoma]

I would like to say something positive. Because whether to die or live, everything should happen, as far as possible, with pleasure. All the troubles of life end one day, many of these troubles end before life ends. Sometimes something good happens by accident and unexpectedly
Everyone dies one day, whether they want to or not. But i think it's good and reassuringly if you're able to perceive death not as something bad or scary. I think death is a good opportunity to get rid of everything when everything becomes too unbearable
Anyway, i hope you get what you want

 

[stoiccactus]

I don't know what behaviors you are talking about per se, but if it's anything involving substance abuse (alcoholism, etc) know that there are opportunities for things to improve. I don't wanna be the "It gets better" guy but I've been sober for 12 years now and it really sucks at first but it probably bought me another 20 years worth of life worth living. At least for me, the depression will get me sooner or later but without the booze, you can buy some time.

 

[Toxic Positivity]

I don't know what behaviors you are talking about per se, but if it's anything involving substance abuse (alcoholism, etc) know that there are opportunities for things to improve. I don't wanna be the "It gets better" guy but I've been sober for 12 years now and it really sucks at first but it probably bought me another 20 years worth of life worth living. At least for me, the depression will get me sooner or later but without the booze, you can buy some time.

I'm just tired of watching myself deteriorate. Not being able to hold down a job or relationship, wanting some kind of gainful employment but not being willing to study, not finding anything interesting or worthwhile. Tried years of meds and therapy, at least a decade on and off. Nothing seems to stick to me, I go back to the lazy, exhausted, antisocial creature I am. I am mostly just tired and completely unprepared for having to exist in this world. I resent even the most basic activities like trimming my nails or cleaning my room.

Every time I have to do some kind of official paperwork for anything it takes months. I am watching my friends succeed in high-paying, college-educated careers while I languish at home. I have nothing to show for any of my suffering, it has been completely meaningless. I just want it to end. I want to become a memory, I want to be that friend who killed himself and is spoken of fondly and rarely. I don't want to see how much worse my life gets.

 

[Toxic Positivity]

I woke up later than I wanted today so I've decided today is for getting my last affairs in order. I need to go to the post office and mail my friends some letters. I need to clean my room as much as I can so my landlord's assistant doesn't have to throw away too much stuff. So practically speaking I am pushing the date back to tomorrow.

(69th post, nice)

 

[NSA]

Damn, I was really hoping you'd make it. You seemed to be, for awhile.

Good luck, I suppose.

Ps: If those letters are suicide notes, I would wait until your on your way to your chosen spot before mailing them. Depending on the drop point and where they live, they could arrive by next day, which if you hesitate or wait, could be unwanted.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Ps: If those letters are suicide notes, I would wait until your on your way to your chosen spot before mailing them. Depending on the drop point and where they live, they could arrive by next day, which if you hesitate or wait, could be unwanted.

Yes, this. Double underlined, in boldface, in vibrant colors.

 

[Toxic Positivity]

Haven't been able to get myself to do any of it. Not the post office, not going outside with my N somewhere. I don't really know why. The intensity of wanting to die is kinda gone. I felt pretty sure for a few days on and off that I was going to go through with it, but now I don't want to. I think I will let this thread die. Thank you everyone for your support and I will go back to the drawing board on figuring out what to do next.

 

[TheWood]

Whatever your final decision will be, I wish you to find the peace you seek. Ctb immersed in nature must be the best, but you must find a fairly isolated place

 

[noaccount]

Oh shit i just sawathis.
ARe you okay?<3

 

[Toxic Positivity]

Oh shit i just sawathis.
ARe you okay?<3

Not really, but I don't feel as hellbent on dying anymore. I would still say my life is shit and I feel like shit but also that somehow it is livable for now. I hope you are doing OK too

 

[StrangePossum]

Sending love It's a really big decision and it's good that you took the extra time to think it through. I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time right now but glad that you're still here with us. Hope that you will be okay.