Talking yourself out of it?

[sivvie]

Or more like thinking yourself out of it. When you have everything you need, and the time and space to do it, but you just end up overthinking it and letting your thoughts live you through another day.

It's pure torture, especially when you know you have nothing to live for and are sure you want to go.

Anyone else relate?

 

[Interloper]

Every single day. It makes absolutely no sense how my brain can't see the writing on the wall. Maybe I am just a masochist after all, but then how am I gonna ever get this shit over with...

 

[sivvie]

Every single day. It makes absolutely no sense how my brain can't see the writing on the wall. Maybe I am just a masochist after all, but then how am I gonna ever get this shit over with...

This is exactly it :( I really do wonder if I'm a masochist sometimes. I wish you peace and comfort no matter where you go.

 

[Interloper]

This is exactly it :( I really do wonder if I'm a masochist sometimes. I wish you peace and comfort no matter where you go.

I wish you the same.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

I know what you mean. There are a million different ways to talk yourself out of it. What do you tend to tell yourself? Out of curiosity, do you have your method yet?

 

[sivvie]

I know what you mean. There are a million different ways to talk yourself out of it. What do you tend to tell yourself? Out of curiosity, do you have your method yet?

I don't necessarily talk myself out of it, but I imagine myself drinking the SN and start to feel anxious. I imagine the process and I guess it just makes me unable to. And yes I have everything I need.

What about you?

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

I don't necessarily talk myself out of it, but I imagine myself drinking the SN and start to feel anxious. I imagine the process and I guess it just makes me unable to. And yes I have everything I need.

What about you?

I feel you, I have done the same thing. But I think imagining it over and over has desensitized me to it a bit. The hardest part for me is the finality of it. I have N and am waiting on meto

 

[Seiba]

I understand. I backed out of shooting myself but still fired the gun and now I'm on a household version of suicide watch and being forced to attend therapy when the referral gets back to me. I think anxiety around it is common, even if you're sure you want to leave. The body that handles other functions (heart beating, and so on) also handles chemicals when it comes to anxiety and it has little interest in dying. The brain doesn't really see a difference in someone slitting their throat and a tiger slashing it.

I feel you, I have done the same thing. But I think imagining it over and over has desensitized me to it a bit. The hardest part for me is the finality of it. I have N and am waiting on meto

I am desensitized and apathetic in my day to day, but actually acting on it is harder.

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that it could be the survival instinct, as even know we want to die, we are programmed to survive. The survival instinct can be determined to keep us suffering. Ctb is very difficult, I have read that sometimes people even with the most peaceful methods struggle to overcome the SI. I know that it is like being trapped wanting to die and yet being unable to. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best.

 

[Dot]

Agree w/ LeavngFrver - thnk wll b s.i

Slf hve sme thng - th clser 2 gt 2 makng a decsn on ctb or gttng clse 2 actlly c.t.b. th brn cmes up w/ mny reasns y nt 2 d/ it & hi-jcks ur thghts

 

[lastlife_]

Or more like thinking yourself out of it. When you have everything you need, and the time and space to do it, but you just end up overthinking it and letting your thoughts live you through another day.

It's pure torture, especially when you know you have nothing to live for and are sure you want to go.

Anyone else relate?

I gave up trying to live a year ago now. Like fully decided to stop trying, no more effort seeking or searching for opportunities or a reason to stay.. even just routine. Completely given up. And what you've wrote about above is the only reason I'm here right now. I've written many suicide notes, I've bought several supplies I could need, I've read, researched and planned days and pushed back every time or I would overthink, back out and decide to distract myself for a moment and try again.. it's like a constant battle but running around in circles. It's torture. I'm going to do my best to leave this week. I need to push myself and be brave.