Surreal feeling after setting date

[iwanttodie000]

Anyone else feel extremely surreal or almost out of body after setting a ctb date? For the first time, I set a speciifc date to ctb and ever since, it's the strangest coolest feeling. It's like I am on the outside looking in at myself. I'm starting to see myself spend money more freely, just have a "freer" attitude about stuff in life because I'm going to be gone anyway. I really don't know how to explain it. The only problem with that theory is if I chicken out, then I am fucked. I have said for years I am going to be dead by whatever general time frame, I never set a specific date. I'm finding it kinda hard though to keep that feeling when I'm around loved ones though. I have to pretend that everything is cool and normal not to raise suspician which is difficult. Ugh, time will tell how everything plays out I guess.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate.
I felt and did the same last year when I was sure I was gonna ctb.
Unfortunately, my plans didn't work. Although I'm kinda happy to still be alive because I can enjoy my dad more and I could say goodbye to my grandpa who passed away last January.

Anyway, try to enjoy those who love you and not arouse suspicions so that you don't end up in a psych ward or something like that.

Hugs.

 

[JamieD]

I have felt so much peace since I set my date......its like a release from the pain that has been continually with me. I am now enjoying my time with loved ones helping to create happy memories for them as I look forward to August when I will finally fulfill my destiny and ctb. I am now so happy and there is no guilt or questioning anymore....my mind is set, my date is set and until then...I will live free preparing.....

 

[iwanttodie000]

I have felt so much peace since I set my date......its like a release from the pain that has been continually with me. I am now enjoying my time with loved ones helping to create happy memories for them as I look forward to August when I will finally fulfill my destiny and ctb. I am now so happy and there is no guilt or questioning anymore....my mind is set, my date is set and until then...I will live free preparing.....

I can relate to that. I feel that way too, I do get waves of a little questioning or guilt when I am with loved ones, but I know in my heart that this is what I need to do to acheive peace. I am so happy for you and wish you a peaceful journey in August. I have mine set for May, hopefully I can stick to it.

 

[JamieD]

I can relate to that. I feel that way too, I do get waves of a little questioning or guilt when I am with loved ones, but I know in my heart that this is what I need to do to acheive peace. I am so happy for you and wish you a peaceful journey in August. I have mine set for May, hopefully I can stick to it.

Wow, I wish you a peaceful journey too.......have you chosen your preferred option? I do fear going alone.....would be nice to be with someone but that is wishful thinking xx

 

[Fehler]

I understand that feeling. Once I had everything I needed for ctb and set a date for myself, I also had a feeling of relief.
It was a mixture of strange sensations, sadness for ending up like this but peace and happiness for having accepted it.
I was also like you, spending money more freely (since I am generally quite a saver); I left everything paid so that nothing was pending, but still I left several important things because if I was not going to be here, why do them?
The shit that I ended up backing down when I had the glasses in front of me.
This is all from 2 months ago but it's a bit like it happened last week, time goes by too fast.

 

[iwanttodie000]

I understand that feeling. Once I had everything I needed for ctb and set a date for myself, I also had a feeling of relief.
It was a mixture of strange sensations, sadness for ending up like this but peace and happiness for having accepted it.
I was also like you, spending money more freely (since I am generally quite a saver); I left everything paid so that nothing was pending, but still I left several important things because if I was not going to be here, why do them?
The shit that I ended up backing down when I had the glasses in front of me.
This is all from 2 months ago but it's a bit like it happened last week, time goes by too fast.

It's such a weird and cool feeling. I also plan to leave everything paid so that my partner and family doesn't have to worry about any of that. I have no idea how I'm going to feel when I actually have the gun in my hands. No matter how badly we want to die, that damn SI always has to come in and screw things up. We'll see what happens in May, hopefully I can overpower the SI, but we'll see. It is definitely a mixture of strange sensations!

 

[saltshaker]

> The only problem with that theory is if I chicken out, then I am fucked.

That's not true, you can always delay and hang around a bit longer.