Suicide terrifies me

[CatLove56]

I used to take comfort in it but like everything else in my life I can't commit.

Ever since I finally got a job-10 months after my supposed suicide- at Walmart every time my asshole boss got on to me I just knew I'd be fired and go back to that dark place.

Now 3 months later, another boss says to me "we will see how you do in January"

How I do?? I've learned in my short time in retail if you're not the flash you are hated by corporate.this same boss even asked if I have a learning disability. Do I really come off as retarded???

Anyway that's my problem of the day. Every day I regret not going through with it. A normie would say look at all I missed. What would I have missed? Bullying, depression, anxiety, depression? Gee thanks

 

[Sinbad]

Committing suicide is final. Your life, on the other hand, can be the start of something new.
The decision is yours to make, which direction you take. No one said it was easy.

 

[Sinbad]

Go through all your options. Consider moving to another city, learn a new skill, etc...
Only consider suicide, if you hit a dead end on all your options. Life is fucking hard but rewarding at times, I suppose.

 

[Hunter]

You're in limbo

 

[bigj75]

I wouldn't be fearful of it if it was easy and quick. Most methods aren't and the methods that are don't have easy access.

 

[Lifeisatrap]

Yes, having to be the one to initiate their own death is terrifying. It'd be so much easier if I could just die by something or someone without looking for it. Not to mention living amongst a prolife society that makes it all the more difficult with all the stigma, guilt trips, theats of punishment, interferance... really are effective at detering you away from it I hate to admit:/

 

[MsM3talGamer]

It is indeed a scary prospect because millions of years of evolution have left us with a bitch called Survival Instinct. I know that once I get the wheels in motion for my CTB I'm going to feel at peace and to hell with my SI. Staying in this world is simply not an option for me any longer. I'd feel differently if I was in a different stage of my life though.

Maybe you're struggling atm because you're at the stage of searching for other options (I hope I don't sound like a pro-lifer). Normies don't have a clue what we're going thru because their lives aren't on Hard Mode like ours.

 

[21Neberg]

I used to take comfort in it but like everything else in my life I can't commit.

Ever since I finally got a job-10 months after my supposed suicide- at Walmart every time my asshole boss got on to me I just knew I'd be fired and go back to that dark place.

Now 3 months later, another boss says to me "we will see how you do in January"

How I do?? I've learned in my short time in retail if you're not the flash you are hated by corporate.this same boss even asked if I have a learning disability. Do I really come off as retarded???

Anyway that's my problem of the day. Every day I regret not going through with it. A normie would say look at all I missed. What would I have missed? Bullying, depression, anxiety, depression? Gee thanks

I understand what youre saying. My first attempt probably wont succeed due to survival instinct, which is why I am experimenting with the feelings first so I can get used to the idea of my method. That way, once I finally decide to CTB, I know what its like and its less 'scary', I suppose.

 

[CatLove56]

I used to take comfort in it but like everything else in my life I can't commit.

Ever since I finally got a job-10 months after my supposed suicide- at Walmart every time my asshole boss got on to me I just knew I'd be fired and go back to that dark place.

Now 3 months later, another boss says to me "we will see how you do in January"

How I do?? I've learned in my short time in retail if you're not the flash you are hated by corporate.this same boss even asked if I have a learning disability. Do I really come off as retarded???

Anyway that's my problem of the day. Every day I regret not going through with it. A normie would say look at all I missed. What would I have missed? Bullying, depression, anxiety, depression? Gee thanks

I got a notification for this response and it's kind of funny that not much has really changed