Suicide in an apartment shared with others

[celan]

I want ctb by taking a fast acting drug that needs to be drunk and leaves no big time for changing locations. The huge problem that I have is that I am just not able to do it on certain date (of course it's very important to carfefully plan ahead to prevent mistakes, which I did). If you plan to do it on a certain date, then you've got more time to overthink it, your fears build up, the consequences of your action will come to mind and survival instinct kicks in. So I will do it when I'm utterly depressed and sleep-deprived, which I am all the time, and it has to go fast. Just catch the state of mind that makes suicide seem fairly harmless and do it.

The problem is that I live with a family member that isn't here too often, which will definitely give me enough time to do it. So it's likely that the person will find my dead body, which makes me feel horrible. I know that it is possible to go into a forest or a hotel room, but again, I need to do it without a possibility to overthink it.

If I'll do it in our apartment the only way to do it would be locking my door and leave a sign outside. I could, after applying the drug, also call the police or ambulence or write a delayed E-Mail.

Could some of you give me your take on my situation?

 

[goosenoose]

There is a FAQ on this and the things that you appear to be concerned about: efficacy, impact to your family, remains being found... are not good via this methodology. Recommend don't do this at home if possible. Or at all. I'm one to talk though.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

If you love your family and want to limit impact to them, I'd avoid doing it at home simply because having a suicide at a residence might need to be disclosed if they want to sell. It can make things difficult for them later. This also applies to your furniture and items, especially the bed/chair/etc you will use.

Aside from that, leaving a piece of paper up or something for when your family member comes home, *and* a delayed email so they can prepare themselves elsewhere, is better than nothing. Understand that you leave a risk of damage/getting saved if you call emergency services in advance.

If you are always depressed/sleep-deprived, how would moving to a hotel room at that same instant make you change your mind? Are you sure that won't happen when you stand up to take the drug, set up your note, or whatever? Because if thats the logic than technically any kind of prep work would give you room to rethink and reconsider.

 

[celan]

If you love your family and want to limit impact to them, I'd avoid doing it at home simply because having a suicide at a residence might need to be disclosed if they want to sell. It can make things difficult for them later. This also applies to your furniture and items, especially the bed/chair/etc you will use.

Aside from that, leaving a piece of paper up or something for when your family member comes home, *and* a delayed email so they can prepare themselves elsewhere, is better than nothing. Understand that you leave a risk of damage/getting saved if you call emergency services in advance.

If you are always depressed/sleep-deprived, how would moving to a hotel room at that same instant make you change your mind? Are you sure that won't happen when you stand up to take the drug, set up your note, or whatever? Because if thats the logic than technically any kind of prep work would give you room to rethink and reconsider.

I really don't know what to say. If I'd leave a note I could write that now and just place that later. So I would just have to put the note somewhere, prepare the method - which is a matter of 5 minutes - and take the stuff. I don't have the nerves to drive to a hotel (I don't have a car by the way and there isn't a hotel near to my home) or take a cab, check in and so on. So there are a lot of doubts that come up with that. I'm a quite sensitive person and need to do it at a place where I feel comfortable, but maybe thats ridiculous to some people.

But your post really made me rethink the plan to ctb at home, so thank you for that. I'm in a quite strange state of mind currently and got issues to think rationally. I was naive and thought that just an ambulance or an undertaker would take my body and that's it. But I really didn't consider all the implications of my suicide. It's a mess. I could maybe go to a forest near our apartment and take a glass and bottle of water with me to drink it.

I could do it in our basement maybe, but I guess this is also problematic.

I've got a strange question: Would you guys judge me If I'd kill my self in a apartment, that I share with a family member? I probably think that's highly immoral, but it's the only thing I can think of right now. Maybe I'll do it in a forest.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

I really don't know what to say. If I'd leave a note I could write that now and just place that later. So I would just have to put the note somewhere, prepare the method - which is a matter of 5 minutes - and take the stuff. I don't have the nerves to drive to a hotel (I don't have a car by the way and there isn't a hotel near to my home) or take a cab, check in and so on. So there are a lot of doubts that come up with that. I'm a quite sensitive person and need to do it at a place where I feel comfortable, but maybe thats ridiculous to some people.

But your post really made me rethink the plan to ctb at home, so thank you for that. I'm in a quite strange state of mind currently and got issues to think rationally. I was naive and thought that just an ambulance or an undertaker would take my body and that's it. But I really didn't consider all the implications of my suicide. It's a mess. I could maybe go to a forest near our apartment and take a glass and bottle of water with me to drink it.

I could do it in our basement maybe, but I guess this is also problematic.

I've got a strange question: Would you guys judge me If I'd kill my self in a apartment, that I share with a family member? I probably think that's highly immoral, but it's the only thing I can think of right now. Maybe I'll do it in a forest.

No worries at all! It's ok, we are all here because we are suicidal. I totally understand why a motel/hotel is out of the picture for you now. I have the opposite problem, it'd be a short bus ride to the hotel but I would need to make a concentrated effort to find a forest or isolated area. Also some people value comfort and others don't. Others are concerned who will find them, while still others won't be able to take those precautions. Some people need to plan a lot and others can't. They're all reasonable considerations to make, but you don't even have to make any of them. In the end it's about your own suffering and your own choices. Do whatever will help you feel better, comfortable, and free.

Choosing a certain location or choosing not to do certain things does not make you immoral. And no one would judge you for that! Whoever does is being inconsiderate. We don't know your family life or the extent of your suffering.

I personally believe it's best to plan these things thoroughly and look at many angles for the individual's own relief and comfort, especially if you have a mood disorder or unstable emotions in general. But that's an opinion influenced by my own experiences with suicide and life in general. Do whatever feels appropriate and right to you. All anyone on SS can do is give alternative perspectives, because when you're feeling bad and planning all this it can be easy to get caught up in the act itself and forget about other considerations. Again, you don't have to make those considerations if they aren't relevant to you and everyone here will do their best to help you, whether that's through specific advice or just comfort and understanding.

 

[celan]

There is a FAQ on this and the things that you appear to be concerned about: efficacy, impact to your family, remains being found... are not good via this methodology. Recommend don't do this at home if possible. Or at all. I'm one to talk though.

Could you please give me a link to that faq? I searched "faq" and other related things but I didn't find that thread.

 

[Seiba]

You could do so in a day use hotel instead. Cheaper than normal hotels because it's only for rented hours instead of an entire day.