Discussion suicide bereavement groups

[heatnormal]

have you ever lurked on suicide bereavement support groups, like the reddit one? from what i've seen, they seem to receive more support than their loved ones ever received. some even start their replies with "they were a lost cause. nothing could be done." it's a weird feeling to see people move on; claiming that they'll never replace their loved one, but at the same time meeting new people. maybe it touches that spot of "i thought i made a bigger impact on your life". at times, it feels attention-seeking -- adding phrases like "we were never close," but bawling their eyes out in the description, and others patting them on the back, congratulating them on winning the empathy championship. being mischaracterized after my successful ctb is one of my worries -- i can't imagine ceasing to exist only for my close ones to farm karma on reddit. anyway, please tell me what you think.

 

[Alpacachino]

Many people here have engaged in this discussion before. Mainly because they want to know what effect their absence will have on the people they're leaving behind.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/suicide-bereavement-forums.211046/

 

[amor.dor]

Although I witnessed a suicide, I was never part of any group. I just wrote about my grief for myself.
That's true. I remember my partner's sister starting to blame everyone after their death, when in life my partner always said their sister wouldn't leave them in peace, only made things harder. I know there are cases where the family is truly devastated, and that's valid. What upsets me is seeing relatives play the victim when, in life, the suicidal person was constantly being diminished.

have you ever lurked on suicide bereavement support groups, like the reddit one? from what i've seen, they seem to receive more support than their loved ones ever received.

 

[weallhaveourghosts]

have you ever lurked on suicide bereavement support groups, like the reddit one? from what i've seen, they seem to receive more support than their loved ones ever received. some even start their replies with "they were a lost cause. nothing could be done." it's a weird feeling to see people move on; claiming that they'll never replace their loved one, but at the same time meeting new people. maybe it touches that spot of "i thought i made a bigger impact on your life". at times, it feels attention-seeking -- adding phrases like "we were never close," but bawling their eyes out in the description, and others patting them on the back, congratulating them on winning the empathy championship. being mischaracterized after my successful ctb is one of my worries -- i can't imagine ceasing to exist only for my close ones to farm karma on reddit. anyway, please tell me what you think.

its interesting to compare suicide and I guess natural death support groups.

 

[InDefenseImNumb]

Although I witnessed a suicide, I was never part of any group. I just wrote about my grief for myself.
That's true. I remember my partner's sister starting to blame everyone after their death, when in life my partner always said their sister wouldn't leave them in peace, only made things harder. I know there are cases where the family is truly devastated, and that's valid. What upsets me is seeing relatives play the victim when, in life, the suicidal person was constantly being diminished.

Thats kinda what I fear for myself. My mom is like that. She'd try to profit off of my suicide like she did with her sister, and even her other one that succumbed to her anorexia. However, for my entire life my mother has been my main antagonist, and she is the root cause of all of my problems. She would look for sympathy when all she did was antagonize me. One time I told her I was gonna do it on the phone, and she laughed then responded with "I hope you kill yourself, I'll laugh at you at your funeral"

Im just one person though, and things are different for everyone. My own personal experience does not equate for others, especially people who I know nothing about in a "support group". We have no idea how they treated their loved ones, they could have egged them on. Redditors will believe anything if it fits their specific worldview. My guess is that a lot of those loved ones are at least downplaying their role in the whole thing so they can look like the true victims. They have a guilty conscience for their role, and they want to feel better. "They were a lost cause, nothing could be done" sounds like someone trying to cope with reality in a poor, immature way.

P.S. most reddit support groups about "loved ones with mental illness" are actually dogpile groups, the telltale sign is if they're run by the actual group of people thats being discussed or not

 

[closetoyou]

sometimes i doomscroll grief subreddits. it feels perverse - i don't know if i do it as a way of becoming sad and not wanting to harm the people around me or if i just want to envision myself as the subject of the post and want to feel missed.

i was going through a post of some guy that was sad that his friend killed himself and this guy flat out admitting that even though his friend was loving and kind, he'd constantly blow him off but said 'i feel guilt, even though i know that his decision is his own' and other people in the comment section were placating him. like, you're not fully responsible for his suicide or anything but come on dude, you didn't help at all lol

a lot of people use those subreddits as genuine outlets to find people who have gone through similar traumatic events. but sometimes you just get posts like 'some guy at work i barely spoke to and barely gave the time of day killed themselves, please pity me' and it's like aite dude

 

[deny_conformity]

Oh yeah you get that loads in life.

From my own personal experience people like to make a huge fuss because you're in hospital in a coma and try to see you regularly while you're barely conscious afterwards. Soon as you're out they either completely blank you (thank you ex wife, you make sharing a child with you a delight) or make your life hell (thank you mom I'm now NC with). It's like people I already mostly regret surviving make some effort to make my life livable because next time I won't be so unlucky.

The time to make an effort is now, not regretting it later.

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

I've seen this firsthand with my girlfriend's suicide. Her abusive mother that she ran away from home to escape from fought tooth and nail to get some of the remains (my gf was cremated) that I WAS GIVEN by her father. It makes me so extremely mad. Not to mention the family she was living with charging her rent when she couldn't even afford gas or food half the time. Seeing people she cared so much about return to their daily lives and act like nothing's wrong has made me unbelievably bitter. It makes me feel less guilty about my own eventual suicide. Logically I know that they must be feeling grief as well but it feels like I'm the only one that has been completely destroyed by her death.