Venting Suicide because of OCD

[whotookmylexapro]

I dont know how common it is for people with OCD to kill themselves but it is literally driving me to insanity. If i dont do my compulsions, I get so depressed and angry. My compulsions are harming me though. Both physically and mentally.

These intrusive thoughts play through my head endlessly. I would say these thoughts take up atleast 90% of my daily thoughts

Im so fucking over this man. This is one of the worst diseases ever. Maybe not as bad as some other mental illnesses but the severity of mine is unbearable. Im running out of room on my body to self harm without it being noticeable. I tend to either scratch, cut, or hit myself so badly to the point of bruising if i am not able to complete my compulsions.

Ive tried a handful of medications with either minimal relief or only temporary relief. Zoloft, Prozac, luvox, buspirone, vraylar, rexulti, latuda, caplyta. It fucking blows to find a medication that actually works only for it to stop working after 3 months.

I am scheduled to try TMS next week. If this doesnt work I will be almost completely out of options outside of ketamine. I desperately need to find a method to kill myself in case this doesn't work

 

[failure383]

Have you tried Electroconvulsive therapy? It's often used as a last resort for seemingly untreatable cases of mental illness such as depression and psychosis, but also OCD. I think the idea of it sounds a bit scary (having electric impulses "rewire" your brain) , but I've heard it helped many people reliably.

 

[whotookmylexapro]

Have you tried Electroconvulsive therapy? It's often used as a last resort for seemingly untreatable cases of mental illness such as depression and psychosis, but also OCD. I think the idea of it sounds a bit scary (having electric impulses "rewire" your brain) , but I've heard it helped many people reliably.

It sounds interesting. I have not done much research into it but if TMS doesnt work then I will see if i can try that next

 

[Achroma]

a friend of mine deals with ocd too and i know it can severely impact the quality of your day to day life, so i would assume people who suffer from ocd are much more likely to have suicidal thoughts. my friend is doing better now but i vividly remember him going to some horrible times because of his ocd..

 

[Steff1337]

I myself suffer from severe OCD for a long time. I hope that in any way possible you find peace from it.

 

[bestroper]

I agree . I have ocd and it fucking sucks. I know one day I will do ctb.
I hope ur situation gets better

 

[strngpass]

Ocd is one of the most stressing things possible to live with. I've been living with it for almost all my life and is something i never got rid of even when life wasn't very stressful. Gets you into a mind loop that is draining

 

[thinvy]

I wish I could give you any advice at all on how to deal with OCD, but unfortunately the only reason mine hasn't devoured me alive yet is because I disassociate too frequently to obsess or ruminate for too long. avoidance only works for so long, I know, but I have no other options right now.

I'm sorry it's making your life hell. I hope the TMS gives you some relief. I know I've seen others make great progress with it.

 

[InAgony]

So sorry you're having such a bad time with your OCD. I also had it very severely. My hands were white from soap residue with big gashes in my fingers where they were so dried out from washing, I had intrusive thoughts, I couldn't have things said or written down, I had to do 'routines', amongst other obsessions.

I don't know whether this will give you any hope, but my OCD is a lot better now.

First make sure you are eating and sleeping as well as you can. If you haven't already, maybe ask to try Escitalopram as I found it enabled me to resist the compulsions a little. If it doesn't work at the usual dose used for depression, see if you can get a higher dose prescribed as some people with OCD need more. Hopefully the medication will then help you do the practice of resisting the compulsions.

I wish you all the best.

Edit: just realised your username has Lexapro in it, so maybe you've already tried my suggestion.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really horrible, it's so cruel how people suffer so much and are tormented so much in this existence. But anyway I wish you all the best in whatever happens.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I have severe OCD and it has really pushed me to want to ctb. It's a pet peeve of mine when people claim they are OCD about something but are just exaggerating or don't have an actual diagnosis like I do of severe OCD.

 

[divinemistress36]

Have you tried Electroconvulsive therapy? It's often used as a last resort for seemingly untreatable cases of mental illness such as depression and psychosis, but also OCD. I think the idea of it sounds a bit scary (having electric impulses "rewire" your brain) , but I've heard it helped many people reliably.

It gave me a lot of permanent memory loss one should only do as a last resort

 

[oatmilklatte]

I've also done ECT and it resulted in permanent memory loss. If I had to do it over again I would though, it's not like I had super great things to remember lol

 

[LionBoy]

what compulsions exactly?

 

[Sail_to_Infinity]

I have suffered from OCD since I was a child. I think mine is already the worst possible. In my case, it has evolved to the point that I won't fall asleep until I do whatever my mind comes up with. Lack of sleep intensifies the symptoms and so on and so forth. I have tried various medications, CBT, TMS. Everything can be shoved up my ass. OCD is one of the most difficult mental illnesses to treat because it is conditioned by evolutionarily old subcortical systems responsible for automatisms, associations and emotional reactions. In the hardest cases DBS is used, but these are isolated cases in rich countries, and only experimentally in OCD for now. My method would be firearms + slipknot on the neck at that point. Hugs brother.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I also washed my hands so much that I had open wounds on them and had to get treated at a wound center. It was awful and yet I still couldn't stop my compulsions.

 

[Sail_to_Infinity]

I also washed my hands so much that I had open wounds on them and had to get treated at a wound center. It was awful and yet I still couldn't stop my compulsions.

Can u fall asleep if u wounldnt finnish ur compulsions ?

 

[excaliboyz]

I dont know how common it is for people with OCD to kill themselves but it is literally driving me to insanity. If i dont do my compulsions, I get so depressed and angry. My compulsions are harming me though. Both physically and mentally.

These intrusive thoughts play through my head endlessly. I would say these thoughts take up atleast 90% of my daily thoughts

Im so fucking over this man. This is one of the worst diseases ever. Maybe not as bad as some other mental illnesses but the severity of mine is unbearable. Im running out of room on my body to self harm without it being noticeable. I tend to either scratch, cut, or hit myself so badly to the point of bruising if i am not able to complete my compulsions.

Ive tried a handful of medications with either minimal relief or only temporary relief. Zoloft, Prozac, luvox, buspirone, vraylar, rexulti, latuda, caplyta. It fucking blows to find a medication that actually works only for it to stop working after 3 months.

I am scheduled to try TMS next week. If this doesnt work I will be almost completely out of options outside of ketamine. I desperately need to find a method to kill myself in case this doesn't work

my OCD is bad too. But still bearable. BUt i can turn it off, if I get concious about it and really want to, but usually I dont want that enough, the ocd wins, lul. But theoretically I could just turn them off. I'm sure u could too,. It's usually something invisible somethingf that we imagine, that we need to touch or sth

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Since my ocd is contamination i have to feel totally clean to get in bed so i have no trouble falling asleep as long as i am. I'veen on meds for a year and a half and exposure therapy for 9 months and i am nowhere near the point of getting into ned if me or the bed feels dirty. Sleep is generally a gigantic relief for me although lately i am having a lot of trouble staying asleep
I also most definitely can not turn my ocd off.
I'm new here - how do u insert someone's post into yours so it shows you are answering it directly?