thirdrailer
Member
- Oct 24, 2020
- 48
I just watched this interesting video on YouTube about how when we're dissatisfied with our lives, we sometimes will escape our reality by fantasizing about the future that we never take concrete steps towards in a way that we don't realize is a fantasy. We think it's a plan rather than a fantasy and they're always disappointed we don't follow through. I'm not doing a great job describing it so I will paste a link below.
I wonder if suicidal ideation -- and even watching the few videos of suicides that exist on the Internet -- are such a fantasy for me. I am deeply dissatisfied with so much about my life, and I certainly could kill myself if I wanted to, yet after over two decades of suicidal ideation, I haven't done it.
When I fantasize about suicide, it definitely fits this pattern. I imagine the last few steps and the desirable parts of the outcome, but not the first few steps and the undesirable parts of the outcome. (Obviously in the video, the outcome isn't death.)
I'm also tickled by the irony of a self-help video helping me evaluate if suicide is an actual goal of mine or just escapist fantasy. My other fantasies, however, I've at least made some steps toward. I take this to mean that suicidal ideation really is just an escapist fantasy for me. But it is a fantasy that feels really good when I need it.
Just thought I'd share my thoughts.
I wonder if suicidal ideation -- and even watching the few videos of suicides that exist on the Internet -- are such a fantasy for me. I am deeply dissatisfied with so much about my life, and I certainly could kill myself if I wanted to, yet after over two decades of suicidal ideation, I haven't done it.
When I fantasize about suicide, it definitely fits this pattern. I imagine the last few steps and the desirable parts of the outcome, but not the first few steps and the undesirable parts of the outcome. (Obviously in the video, the outcome isn't death.)
I'm also tickled by the irony of a self-help video helping me evaluate if suicide is an actual goal of mine or just escapist fantasy. My other fantasies, however, I've at least made some steps toward. I take this to mean that suicidal ideation really is just an escapist fantasy for me. But it is a fantasy that feels really good when I need it.
Just thought I'd share my thoughts.
