Story Suicidal idealization (poem)

[TheLastGreySky]

If I could turn back time, I would have saved myself, but Instead orchestrated my own execution.

If I could have been someone else then I would have, and now I'm stuck in the driver seat of my own worst enemy.

This isn't me.
This isn't reality.
Scars etched into my effigy,
I'm somebody's voodoo doll.
Somebody's punching bag,
Someone's used rag.
Yeah everybody matters but me.
Everyone has rights but me.
Everyone's a victim but me.
Everyone is loved but me.

And when I stand up I'm a threat,
And when I whisper I am outspoken.
Everything I am is hidden in the shadow
Of the projection of what you want to see.

This isn't is a suicide note,
It's a receipt without a tip,
And you don't see me.
An ocean pours from my wrist
and you think I just need a kiss.
I'm fucking broken.
Boiled from the inside and born wrong
Shaken and smacked into the trash.
Nobody can dislike me as much as I do.
No one can hurt me like I hurt me every single time I try to do something right.
Every hill I climb, I find my enemy waiting at the top.

I'm just dreaming of my legs dropping.
A final view from a final frame.
Gone with the hypocrisy and out with the shame. Take out my hate and take out my brain, 'cause you don't even fucking know my name.