Hystearical
In tears
- Jul 23, 2022
- 4,941
Just some disjointed venting, partly inspired by the assumed passing of ijustwishtodie.
We can take for granted that most people are happy to have been born and that reality is taken to justify further reproduction, but it jjust really sucks to be a glitch person. To not develop the same attachment life innate to everyone else. To never have been truly happy to have been brought into the world or to think that any of it was worth it. And so on and so on. You all are familiar with what I am saying.
Instances of people like this are their own kind of tragedy unto themselves I think. It's such a horrible thing.
The aforementioned user was autistic which was something he often cited as a reason for his attitude towards life. I am too. Something like that really colors how you view things when your suffering is inextricably bound up with your very entrance into the world. It's hard to feel positive when you continually struggle and suffer because of something like that. Of course, for me myself it's even trickier being the disabled half of a set of twins, with the life discrepancies as you can imagine. In that case, gow am I supposed to ever shed the feeling of not having been meant to be here?
What can you do though?
We can hate our parents but it doesn't accomplish anything to foster resentment towards them. Though personally speaking I cannot feel love as such for them. Life has been way too painful in a totally Kafkaesque way to feel love for the people who are responsible for bringing me here, whatever their intentions. That's just how it is. To be honest my capacity for love is limited when it comes to everyone because of all the flavors of suffering I've endured. That said, I might still feel obligated to stick around for them but in practice they didn't really end up meriting that because of bad things they did and good things they failed to do (one of these two reasons applies more so to one than the other). So I don't feel that obligation and I don't feel bad in general or am given any kind of pause unlike the seeming majority of users here, as it turns out. That goes for everyone in my life actually. So if it applies to everyone, it can't really be personal, can it?
Even then merited resentment of parents for specific things rather than just them creating you doesn't accomplish anything. You're still stuck in a nightmare. But it should be easy, right? If you have decided that you have no reason to live, and in a fundamental way at that, then all it takes is to just drop off a building or inhale some gas and go to sleep, etc.
If only.
We can take for granted that most people are happy to have been born and that reality is taken to justify further reproduction, but it jjust really sucks to be a glitch person. To not develop the same attachment life innate to everyone else. To never have been truly happy to have been brought into the world or to think that any of it was worth it. And so on and so on. You all are familiar with what I am saying.
Instances of people like this are their own kind of tragedy unto themselves I think. It's such a horrible thing.
The aforementioned user was autistic which was something he often cited as a reason for his attitude towards life. I am too. Something like that really colors how you view things when your suffering is inextricably bound up with your very entrance into the world. It's hard to feel positive when you continually struggle and suffer because of something like that. Of course, for me myself it's even trickier being the disabled half of a set of twins, with the life discrepancies as you can imagine. In that case, gow am I supposed to ever shed the feeling of not having been meant to be here?
What can you do though?
We can hate our parents but it doesn't accomplish anything to foster resentment towards them. Though personally speaking I cannot feel love as such for them. Life has been way too painful in a totally Kafkaesque way to feel love for the people who are responsible for bringing me here, whatever their intentions. That's just how it is. To be honest my capacity for love is limited when it comes to everyone because of all the flavors of suffering I've endured. That said, I might still feel obligated to stick around for them but in practice they didn't really end up meriting that because of bad things they did and good things they failed to do (one of these two reasons applies more so to one than the other). So I don't feel that obligation and I don't feel bad in general or am given any kind of pause unlike the seeming majority of users here, as it turns out. That goes for everyone in my life actually. So if it applies to everyone, it can't really be personal, can it?
Even then merited resentment of parents for specific things rather than just them creating you doesn't accomplish anything. You're still stuck in a nightmare. But it should be easy, right? If you have decided that you have no reason to live, and in a fundamental way at that, then all it takes is to just drop off a building or inhale some gas and go to sleep, etc.
If only.
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