succeeding at failing

[racheyrooble]

been trying to do partial for weeks reading forum and scared myself tonight, went dizzy/faint, SI kicked in and 3 times i just stood up again, my parents would be devastated and i have a 5 yr old niece i cant ignore.thread. this year has been a disaster in many ways and i feel hopeless having lost relationship in difficult circumstances and friendships from my bipolar.
just been home a month from hospital, taken two paracetamol overdoses (48 each) in a week but nothing happened,
even tried the lame water intoxication.
cant get SN.
i think i could hang myself now but there must be something stopping me so i am looking for recovery instead of the other forum.
feel like im either got to go down or up from here, im too scared to take my life but im doing a terrible job of living atm, 44, been off work since june(going back next week) single, few friends, no pets and reluctant to leave the house.
so how do i decide on ctb or recovery as both seem equally impossible atm.

 

[timf]

Recovery can seem distant to the point of impossible when one's attention has been focused elsewhere.

Immanent reemployment can amplify feelings of trepidation which can make things worse.

It might be helpful to focus on the immediate, even allowing yourself to enjoy small pleasures. When thoughts are free to consider all possibilities, often one can become consumed by bad possibilities. There are all sorts of bad possibilities (like getting run over by a bus). However, such speculations seldom are helpful.

You mentioned bipolar, so I assume you have tried medical Lithium. I understand that to be difficult to get to the right level and becomes complicated when someone stops taking it in their manic phase. There is a guy on Youtube from England who has a couple of videos about his bipolar 2. He recommends Lithium Orotate which might be worth experimenting with as it seems to have less side effects than prescription Lithium.

One key to recovery is to regain a feeling of control in you life. Employment can contribute to this as well as exercising control of various small aspects of you life that can build a momentum to carry you along.

 

[racheyrooble]

thanks,
i take something similar to lithium and have had lots of problems adjusting meds this year. thankyou for the words