Struggling

[painoflife]

I am currently having a difficult time, I feel like I should be dead by now.

I had always planned to be gone before 2020 but with one thing and another it was too difficult to go as I had planned. I want to be dead more than anything so I can escape my thoughts and finally be at peace. Now I am finding it more difficult than ever because everything I do or see reminds me I should be gone by now. It's like I can't let myself enjoy anything, not that I really do anyway, but when I am out somewhere I keep randomly bursting into tears because I am reminded that I should be dead and not having to go through this anymore. I can't see a way I will ever recover from these feelings and be able to enjoy being alive.

Not sure if this will make sense to anybody…

 

[Deathbydemo]

This makes perfect sense to me. I'm so sorry you have these feelings. Life can be so very difficult to endure when you just want to give up. I am not here to tell you that things get better or any of that but please just know that you are not alone.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. I want to ctb so bad right now. This is one of the lowest points I've been at in a while. I don't enjoy things I used to and everything feels like an unimaginable task I've been told to do. It's just constant suffering and dizziness from all the thoughts. I understand and I'm here if you want to talk. Lots of hugs and let's try to keep trudging through the sands of time together even though it's painful

 

[painoflife]

This makes perfect sense to me. I'm so sorry you have these feelings. Life can be so very difficult to endure when you just want to give up. I am not here to tell you that things get better or any of that but please just know that you are not alone.

Thanks, at least I am not the only one. I hope you manage to have some good days!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. I want to ctb so bad right now. This is one of the lowest points I've been at in a while. I don't enjoy things I used to and everything feels like an unimaginable task I've been told to do. It's just constant suffering and dizziness from all the thoughts. I understand and I'm here if you want to talk. Lots of hugs and let's try to keep trudging through the sands of time together even though it's painful

Thanks, not sure just how much longer I can carry on but I am feeling too scared to end things atm. Hope you get some relief and enjoy something soon

 

[HannahB]

I understand. I feel that way a lot but I have to remind myself the universe is smarter than me. Everything that has ever happened has happened precisely when it was supposed to.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

Thanks, not sure just how much longer I can carry on but I am feeling too scared to end things atm. Hope you get some relief and enjoy something soon

Right back at you. Just take things day by day and try not to drown in your thoughts. Try things to maybe help you feel better. Like listening to music, exercising, painting, etc. I just played piano a few minutes ago and that always helps me. I'm sure you can find something and don't be afraid to try things

 

[dlee]

I understand. I feel that way a lot but I have to remind myself the universe is smarter than me. Everything that has ever happened has happened precisely when it was supposed to.

I have read some of your posts and am grateful for most of them, they have helpful info for me... but just cant agree with this post, i am dieing and my wife got tired of taking care of me so just left me, threw me away like trash, just left me to die painfully all alone. so wanting to CTB is not just something i want but i need it.. i can barely make it from one day to the next im not just in so much physical pain but emotional pain too... if the universe has a plan then so far it is just to torment me and make me in agony.. fuck the universe