Stress about creating a 'perfect last day' before CTB

[00ps]

this one's an odd one, but does anyone else feel stressed or additional pressure to make their last day the best one?

I feel like I have to have this perfect last day so I end on a good note. This kind of stresses me out because I don't know how to have a perfect day. I don't even know how to have a good day anymore, so how would I be able to have a perfect day? And yet I just feel like I need to do it because it'll be my last chance to, you know, live a full day.

Does anyone else have this sort of stress? How do you plan to deal with it? What even would a perfect day look like to you?

 

[cait_sith]

for me thinking about how horrible most last days are of people dying natural deaths, with over 70% dying either in hospitals or care homes, having a normal day of just eating meals I like, walking around, being lazy as usual, getting drunk is a much better last day than most people get to have.

 

[never mind me]

I certainly understand the notion of having a nice last day. But at this point I have so little interest in life that there is really nothing I want to do, so I couldn't think of anything that would make a day a good day. So I guess I just wouldn't care at all and just look forward to no longer existing.

 

[time2gosoon]

this one's an odd one, but does anyone else feel stressed or additional pressure to make their last day the best one?

I feel like I have to have this perfect last day so I end on a good note. This kind of stresses me out because I don't know how to have a perfect day. I don't even know how to have a good day anymore, so how would I be able to have a perfect day? And yet I just feel like I need to do it because it'll be my last chance to, you know, live a full day.

Does anyone else have this sort of stress? How do you plan to deal with it? What even would a perfect day look like to you?

Before my first "serious" attempt we tried to make a "decent day to die". Every attempt since we just pick a time.

 

[BrontesA]

this one's an odd one, but does anyone else feel stressed or additional pressure to make their last day the best one?

I feel like I have to have this perfect last day so I end on a good note. This kind of stresses me out because I don't know how to have a perfect day. I don't even know how to have a good day anymore, so how would I be able to have a perfect day? And yet I just feel like I need to do it because it'll be my last chance to, you know, live a full day.

Does anyone else have this sort of stress? How do you plan to deal with it? What even would a perfect day look like to you?

It's completely natural to want a good wrap-up, and as someone who also wants some sort of closure prior to departure, I understand the need. My advise would be to lower expectation for what 'perfect' means to you, though it sound stupid to say to someone. For instance, my perfect day is bound to a desire to leave behind as much as I can to be understood, and I constantly tell myself to lower those expectations, to zero avail of course.
The definition of perfect differs from person to person, so in the broadest sense I can suggest you seek something far more radically different to your baseline days.

 

[Pangs93]

It would be nice to have a perefect day but tbh idek what that would look like for me. Instead I'm just hoping for a nice or even decent last day while fully expecting my last day to realistically be awful. I need that awful day to push me to do it, if I'm real. If I'm having a good day I'm much less likely to commit to doing it, even if I know its an illusion and everything will go back to shit soon enough. I wish I could go out in a good place but more than likely I'm going to go out on the worst day of my life and I'm at peace with that.

 

[ilovecats1]

ive never thought about it like this. but id want to at least enjoy that last day and thats why im thinking of doing it in a forest because i love nature. i want to do it when stars are visible on the sky but i think the location ive chosen has wild wolves/pigs or other animals and i wouldnt want to get mauled before i do it myself lol im kinda scared about that. i was thinking of sn but im reconsidering and will just go with partial suspension ig so im going to bring some wine with me and eat some light fast food before going to the forest and that would be a very nice day for me.

 

[knowledgeseeking]

I'm going to end myself tomorrow. I can see why having perfect last day feels important, but I have found myself worrying more about leaving in order for those I leave behind.

Despite being at peace with my decision, I feel a lot of anxiety and guilt. Those feeling make it hard to have perfect day. Personally I would recommend having a day filled with distractions so you don't get lost in those kind of feelings.

 

[Forveleth]

I did try this once, but realized, planning ahead for a last day puts more pressure on me to kill myself that specific day and makes the event actually less likely to happen. My current philosophy is the day I die will be the day I die and it will most likely not be any more significant than any other day. I am completely ok with this as the end goal is death. The events of the day of when it happens are insignificant.

 

[AgathaChristieLover]

I don't know how I could have a perfect day, every day feels so painful

 

[m3nhera]

this one's an odd one, but does anyone else feel stressed or additional pressure to make their last day the best one?

I feel like I have to have this perfect last day so I end on a good note. This kind of stresses me out because I don't know how to have a perfect day. I don't even know how to have a good day anymore, so how would I be able to have a perfect day? And yet I just feel like I need to do it because it'll be my last chance to, you know, live a full day.

Does anyone else have this sort of stress? How do you plan to deal with it? What even would a perfect day look like to you?

SAME omg it stressed me out so bad because dying on a bad day is like playing a video game and you were gonna go to bed after one more, but then you lose. You can't go to bed on a loss, so then you play again.

Planning the "perfect" death has stressed me out so bad I've decided not to bother lol I can't be bothered right now

 

[Sicariidae]

What you're describing is something that many people who are thinking about death or imagining a "last day" deal with... the pressure for it to be meaningful, perfect, or to somehow make up for everything else. The painful part is that "perfect" is an impossible standard, so it can become another source of distress instead of comfort. So just try to enjoy maybe your favourite food, favourite show, maybe your fav place... anything you like. The day is all yours. I completely get it too, I personally gave up trying to make a perfect day, I'm just waiting for the day it happens, if it's a bad day then so be it... but I hope you are doing okay, take care

 

[ipmanwc0]

if it were me, and i cared strongly about having a perfect last day, that would almost guarantee that i wouldn't

 

[00ps]

SAME omg it stressed me out so bad because dying on a bad day is like playing a video game and you were gonna go to bed after one more, but then you lose. You can't go to bed on a loss, so then you play again.

Planning the "perfect" death has stressed me out so bad I've decided not to bother lol I can't be bothered right now

the game thing you mentioned is exactly the type of thing i was talking about
it feels like i can't go out in a bad note lol

 

[LXR515]

this one's an odd one, but does anyone else feel stressed or additional pressure to make their last day the best one?

I feel like I have to have this perfect last day so I end on a good note. This kind of stresses me out because I don't know how to have a perfect day. I don't even know how to have a good day anymore, so how would I be able to have a perfect day? And yet I just feel like I need to do it because it'll be my last chance to, you know, live a full day.

Does anyone else have this sort of stress? How do you plan to deal with it? What even would a perfect day look like to you?

I have this to some extent not exactly a perfect day but one that is decent enough that I'm able to properly go through all the CTB steps for it, I think knowing that since my life hasn't gone anything how I liked it to my final day/days aren't going to either and to accept that as being okay, at least that's what helps me