Stop talking about your problems!

[Sailfisher]

Anyone else receive this demand from friends and family? "Stop talking about it!" They say they care and want to help but don't want to hear your problems.

 

[Pupuce]

I tried once to talk seriously about how I see life as a pointless suffering and the answer I got was "other people have problem too so deal with it". Weirdly enough I didn't talk much about that again.

 

[oopswronglife]

Anyone else receive this demand from friends and family? "Stop talking about it!" They say they care and want to help but don't want to hear your problems.

I stopped talking to family long ago since they prefer two methods of dealing with any issues...deny or attack. They never solve anything, accept anything, it's just ignore or fight/blame/insult. Old angry children covering their eyes and screaming "no no no" while bad things happen all around them. Somehow it gets them through their own life and problems...but I could never live like that and it just makes things so much worse.

 

[Alchemist]

Not really, but I stopped after it was obvious I was never taken seriously.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I stopped talking to family long ago since they prefer two methods of dealing with any issues...deny or attack. They never solve anything, accept anything, it's just ignore or fight/blame/insult. Old angry children covering their eyes and screaming "no no no" while bad things happen all around them. Somehow it gets them through their own life and problems...but I could never live like that and it just makes things so much worse.

Sounds like your brain is wired differently than theirs. Maybe you are an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). Here is a link to a quick self test.

Are You Highly Sensitive? – The Highly Sensitive Person

Take this test and find out if you're a Highly Sensitive Person.

hsperson.com

 

[oopswronglife]

Sounds like your brain is wired differently than theirs. Maybe you are an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). Here is a link to a quick self test.

Are You Highly Sensitive? – The Highly Sensitive Person

Take this test and find out if you're a Highly Sensitive Person.

hsperson.com

I understand your intent so am not directing this at you. But I reject the idea that being reasonable and empathetic is "highly sensitive". They are "lowly sensitive" and the ones who are defective. Being reasonable and empathetic is the baseline of what humans should be. I also reject the idea it's some "wiring" they cannot help. It's a behavioral choice.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I understand your intent so am not directing this at you. But I reject the idea that being reasonable and empathetic is "highly sensitive". They are "lowly sensitive" and the ones who are defective. Being reasonable and empathetic is the baseline of what humans should be. I also reject the idea it's some "wiring" they cannot help. It's a behavioral choice.

Respectfully, this is a well-researched (scientifically) thing. It is a trait. The scientific term is Sensory Processing Sensitivity. It is found in some animals as well. Scientific research - 30+ yrs. You may want to take a look at the research. HSP's brains are indeed different. Behavior is learned. This is neurological.

Are You Highly Sensitive? – The Highly Sensitive Person

Take this test and find out if you're a Highly Sensitive Person.

hsperson.com

I am suggesting that neither the OP or their family are jerks, suggesting perhaps there is an apples vs oranges thing happening. 30% of us are HSP (fact).

 

[oopswronglife]

Respectfully, this is a well-researched (scientifically) thing. It is a trait. It is found in some animals as well. Scientific research - 30+ yrs

Respectfully the baseline being used to call someone like me "highly sensitive" is the poor behavior of so many people. I will not acknowledge being reasonable and empathetic as being some condition or "sensitivity". It's being a decent person and it's a choice. Only sociopaths and others with defective emotional spectrums cannot feel and choose to react to those feelings. The masses do have the feelings, they just choose to react for their egos. I have those same feelings anyne does, and choose, even when I feel angry/selfish/wanting to deny...and I do my best not to let my ego harm others. The people I admire and respect do this. Most people go through that same process and choose themselves at the expense of everyone else, every time.

 

[Conflicted Cat]

Man, I was about ready to have a go at you. Should have used quotes in the title, lol.

If people say that, they obviously do not care about you. They just want you to shut up, in that case, cut them out of your life.

 

[mattwitt]

When I was in high school and had a lot I was dealing with I tried talking to my mom about it and I'll never forget what she said, how she said it and where she said it. Her exact words were "whatever problems you have in life I don't care and I don't want to hear about them"

 

[FauxEmotions]

Never straight up told to stop talking about things but I can tell those around don't really care/listen. Like, anything I say whether important or just chatting, in one ear and out the other like they aren't listening just waiting to talk. Yet, when I don't hear them / seem disconnected they make shitty remarks to me. I wish I could live alone but I don't make enough to do so. I want isolation, I thrive in it because most people are trash.

 

[Now_And_Then]

I have had some people like that and some people that offer to listen , but fail to under stand and offer advice that is really use less

One of the friends I talk to always tells me to pray to the angels and then my problems will go away straight away

No kidding , his words :

" Honestly , if you pray to the angels in the morning , I promise you , what ever is in your head or your problems will be completely gone , straight away , as soon as you pray "

One morning I closed my eyes and did just that , asked the angels to remove my torture . I even cried

I am still in torture

Go figure

 

[Mr2005]

Girlfriends sick of hearing it. Says if I really wanted to I would have done so by now. I do really want to but I'm not an idiot. As much as I want to throw myself out the car when she's driving I know that wouldn't be a good idea. I need something fullproof. I can't expect her to get me a gun for my birthday though sadly but it would honestly be the kindest thing anyone could do for me

 

[oopswronglife]

" Honestly , if you pray to the angels in the morning , I promise you , what ever is in your head or your problems will be completely gone , straight away , as soon as you pray "

This kind of thing drives me mad. Not the religious part, the part of offering advice they KNOW isn't true. I am positive that guy has prayed before to no effect and KNOWS what he is saying is inaccurate. Same for most advice people give. But they still say it because they want to feel they are doing "something" and to protect their own fears. I don't know how people can lie to themselves and others and not feel like complete frauds...my guess is they know but ignore it for the other benefits.

 

[DreamCatcher]

They got what they wanted. I stopped talking about it with them.

Someday when I'm gone they'll tell everyone that they would have helped if only I had told them there was something wrong!

*Shrugs* If they want to feel bad after I'm gone for not being helpful while I was here, then that's their choice.

 

[oopswronglife]

Someday when I'm gone they'll tell everyone that they would have helped if only I had told them there was something wrong!

My will has a long letter and a big part of it is explaining this. Explaining in writing exactly what people will claim, say, lie about...and rebutting it all. I know it won't change anything as even when they know it to be true they will continue down their path if denial and attack. But it allows me to say my piece and anyone who reads it will KNOW inside they are bullshit even if they tell everyone else otherwise.

 

[Saga]

one this for me was when i was told by the person ive seen as a protector was "i hope you find someone who understands you"...it was a cold hard slap in my face

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yup some people close to me told me years ago it made them depressed when I talked about being suicidal so I haven´t spoken of it since.

 

[oopswronglife]

Says if I really wanted to I would have done so by now.

This one really grinds my gears. It's a complete fallacy and lack of empathy, a refusal to acknowledge someone's suffering, and not to mention something that will quite possibly haunt them the rest of their lives for saying if you do act. I don't believe anyone can say such things and not have the thought about that possibility, but they still choose to go with it or refuse to apologize and retract it.

 

[not_a_robot]

I was trying to lurk quietly but I had to log in so I can "like" this whole thread.
It's understandable that average people find hearing about problems/pointlessness draining. But even worse is therapists who act like you're a jerk for annoying them with your stupid shitty problems. My bitch therapist used to call me "exhausting".
I was like, "bitch, do you know this is your job?"

Girlfriends sick of hearing it. Says if I really wanted to I would have done so by now. I do really want to but I'm not an idiot. As much as I want to throw myself out the car when she's driving I know that wouldn't be a good idea. I need something fullproof. I can't expect her to get me a gun for my birthday though sadly but it would honestly be the kindest thing anyone could do for me

Aww. Do a Vanilla Sky on her.

When I was in high school and had a lot I was dealing with I tried talking to my mom about it and I'll never forget what she said, how she said it and where she said it. Her exact words were "whatever problems you have in life I don't care and I don't want to hear about them"

My poor mom. When I started bawling to her at age 6 about how horrible and pointless life is, she tried really hard to be positive.
"Hey, life really gets me down too, but you know, I can't give up, just lay down and die-"
I just started crying more and screamed "WHY CAN'T WE MOMMY!? WHY CAN'T WE JUST LAY DOWN AND DIE, WHEN LIFE JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE!?"
At that time she was working three grueling, physically demanding jobs, but still somehow made time to occasionally take my brother and me to movies and plays. And we hated her, for being so poor. All we could ever think of was the things she couldn't afford. I didn't understand until much later that the thing that made her life so shitty was the same reason that she couldn't lay down and die; it was us.
My poor mother.

 

[Joannf]

Anyone else receive this demand from friends and family? "Stop talking about it!" They say they care and want to help but don't want to hear your problems.

What would you tell them - that life is senseless ? They know that. Everybody knows that - most people don't care.
They just don't hold the view that this makes it less interesting.
This may however not even be your problem, but whatever IS your problem, may well be genetic or likely epigenetic.
In such a case, arguing makes no difference - you will always see the same things differently than they do.
They cannot really understand you if this is the case... but you can try to overlearn your basic attitude.
I'm not saying i'ts easy or it will work, but it may well be worth a try.
The greatest problem here is usually that negative people don't WANT to change their attitude, because it's part of their entire mental setup, which is to a large part the result of their genetic setup.
A typical answer from such a person would be, "Nah, I won't even try that, I KNOW it's not gonna work. The world is so negative, it makes no sense fighting this feeling." See what I mean ;)

 

[h0wd1rtygurlsST4Yc1n]

my mother complains i don't call but then gets mad when i ask her for advice or help or talk about whats going on in my life.easier not to talk to her.

 

[ToodleyDoKangaroo]

I have a family friend that always says "someone always has it worse than you" and I just don't talk to her about stuff anymore. Then she gets upset when I don't talk to her and I'm like "well..."

 

[Sh00]

No actually. My family would always listen to what I had to say and would try and help. It got to the point though that even to my own ears I sounded like a broken record. Kind of what made me realise that there was no answer to my problems and that's why ctb has become an inevitable outcome.