Venting Still here, Still suffering

[duhsayuhdeeohsuh]

i survived my birthday. this "friend" from high school and i had sex 3 days before my birthday, he promised to take me out for my birthday. he's the sweetest guy and funny and nice... AND he ditched me. haven't heard from him since. that hurt so fucking bad.

my mom gets on me every day to do something with my life daily because i have no energy or drive to do anything but lay in bed. she lets me know she's worried and hints at how unhappy and disappointed in me she is.

my final friend i can tell is damn sure tired of me. i opened up to my FWB of 2 years dude and he just told me to "chill with that" as if i'm doing it for attention. he wants to meet with me tonight to fuck and use me as always. he kept talking about how he wants me to be his baby momma. he's crazy, but MY crazy is gonna scare him off.

i've been sobbing in my bed for the last hour. i was sent to the hospital (just the ER) for 4 days for cutting myself with an X-acto knife (not a suicide attempt, just wanted to see if i can still hurt myself, i ca,). my group home is mistreating me still.

thinking of hanging myself tonight with a leather belt i bought. i mentally cannot endure anymore, i just can't.

 

[Eternal🌈Rainbow]

I'm so sorry for your pain and desperation. I get you so much in that final line that you mentally cannot endure it anymore, that's the way I feel even though we may have different problems, but I get you and would really love to give you a hug or make you feel better. I'm sorry
❤

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that it is hard to carry on when you are desperate to leave and I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably. Life is just so cruel and unfair. I hope that you find relief from your pain in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Julgran]

i survived my birthday. this "friend" from high school and i had sex 3 days before my birthday, he promised to take me out for my birthday. he's the sweetest guy and funny and nice... AND he ditched me. haven't heard from him since. that hurt so fucking bad.

my mom gets on me every day to do something with my life daily because i have no energy or drive to do anything but lay in bed. she lets me know she's worried and hints at how unhappy and disappointed in me she is.

my final friend i can tell is damn sure tired of me. i opened up to my FWB of 2 years dude and he just told me to "chill with that" as if i'm doing it for attention. he wants to meet with me tonight to fuck and use me as always. he kept talking about how he wants me to be his baby momma. he's crazy, but MY crazy is gonna scare him off.

i've been sobbing in my bed for the last hour. i was sent to the hospital (just the ER) for 4 days for cutting myself with an X-acto knife (not a suicide attempt, just wanted to see if i can still hurt myself, i ca,). my group home is mistreating me still.

thinking of hanging myself tonight with a leather belt i bought. i mentally cannot endure anymore, i just can't.

From your description, it seems like people keep using you, while also disrespecting you and finding no value in you.

In case you are looking for another way out other than suicide, do you think you could find another place to live, and cut ties with the people whom you mentioned? Perhaps that could be a good start of something new for you.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Cut these people off and see if you can move away from them

 

[duhsayuhdeeohsuh]

I'm so sorry for your pain and desperation. I get you so much in that final line that you mentally cannot endure it anymore, that's the way I feel even though we may have different problems, but I get you and would really love to give you a hug or make you feel better. I'm sorry
❤

i'm sorry you're able to relate, but i really appreciate your kind words. i'm definitely sending you a virtual hug

I know that it is hard to carry on when you are desperate to leave and I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably. Life is just so cruel and unfair. I hope that you find relief from your pain in whatever you decide to do.

thank you very much i appreciate it

From your description, it seems like people keep using you, while also disrespecting you and finding no value in you.

In case you are looking for another way out other than suicide, do you think you could find another place to live, and cut ties with the people whom you mentioned? Perhaps that could be a good start of something new for you.

i do think (and know deep down) these people are all using me. people use me for my hyper empathy, my body, my love and leave. i keep wanting to relocate and cut ties, but they always rope me back in (or rather, in a futile effort to feel some sort of love even if it's fake, i allow them to). i want to disappear and start over.

i have BPD and attachment issues really badly, but if i am to live, that's what i feel like i would need to do.

Cut these people off and see if you can move away from them

this is exactly what i want to do/know i would need to do to live. but $$$ and BPD/attachments are a bitch. i'm considering it though. i'm so tired of being used. i wanna disappear from everyone i know. they treat me like i'm dead already, so i've thought about "dying" in another way than physical.