Sticks and stones

[evilnkaa]

I hate crying. I hate tears dripping down my face. The constant feeling comes back. I don't feel like I'm ever enough. I feel like I'm too much, I'm overbearing, suffocating,,, God I don't understand why I hate myself so much. I think people could be better but im failed, again time , after time. Sometimes I wish I could just rip my skin off my body so all this extra weight will come off. I feel so suffocated in my skin. I hope for the best. I want the best for myself but I'm left with nothing. I tear myself apart like a hungry lion feasting on his prey. I don't get it. Why does everyone say I'm a good person when I don't feel like it. I don't know who I am, what I am,,, heck why I am how I am. I try over and over and nothing changes. It's my fault. And i hate myself more than anyone or anything in this world. I want to just be happy. I'm so tired of being so weak. I'm so alone. I hate myself so much. Sorry I'm bashing myself a lot. My nose is so clogged up from all the crying it's so disappointing that no matter how many times I cry the only thing constant is my nose clogging up. Random thought. Yeah it's 11:34 pm I'm crying more like profusely weeping and like unleashing my crocodile tears because my entire day fell to shit. And i had no backbone. All my friends are so busy on vacations and work I'm just tired of this.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Why does everyone say I'm a good person when I don't feel like it. I don't know who I am, what I am,,, heck why I am how I am. I try over and over and nothing changes. It's my fault. And i hate myself more than anyone or anything in this world.

I think this is the key to answer - I don't know you but you are a good person! It's certainly not your fault how you are bc this is uncontrollable. It depends on the mixture of genes of your parents you can blame them for this fact but not yourself!

Do you have any MH diagnosis?

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I love the honesty here. We see the reality of life and people like you are amazingly talented at putting it into words.

 

[evilnkaa]

I think this is the key to answer - I don't know you but you are a good person! It's certainly not your fault how you are bc this is uncontrollable. It depends on the mixture of genes of your parents you can blame them for this fact but not yourself!

Do you have any MH diagnosis?

I don't have any diagnosis, My family is slavic and they don't really believe in mental health at all. So I would always think I'm going insane since anytime I'd speak up about what's going on they'd say It's due to being on my phone or that I'm not going to church enough.