Venting Spiraling (TW)

[merryberry]

Huge TW for self-harming

I just need to get this out somewhere, so please don't read if it's uncomfortable for you

I take therapy, take medication. They don't work. On Tuesday, I luckily have a doctor's appointment where she may assign me new meds. My life is generally fine, but when even something slightly inconvenient happens, I just distance myself from others and start cutting myself. It's like a huge mood swing from being jolly to that

Harming myself with a razor is a recent thing I developed. I just feel so out of control. I was even sent to the hospital one time for injuries, fever, and depression, but they kicked me out in the middle of the night, lol. I'm still diagnosed with just mild depression

I just cut both my wrists open countless times even though I thought I had control over it. It's a lose-lose situation. If I throw my sharp tools away, I feel like I'm going insane with the urges to hurt myself. But if I have them, I cut myself all over

I feel like this just makes me a horrible, horrible friend, as my friends know what I'm going through, but I'm so elusive too. At the same time, I want comfort, but I feel so selfish. Sometimes the things they joke about me hurt me too and make me physically hurt myself, and I'm too afraid to tell them that it stings

I'm just so unstable. I feel like it's better if I'm alone, but I'm scared I'll always be lonely, am unwanted forever, and will die alone

Sometimes I wish to go by cutting my wrists vertically but I know it's a slowly painful and unreliable way to die

 

[alwaysalone]

Huge TW for self-harming

I just need to get this out somewhere, so please don't read if it's uncomfortable for you

I take therapy, take medication. They don't work. On Tuesday, I luckily have a doctor's appointment where she may assign me new meds. My life is generally fine, but when even something slightly inconvenient happens, I just distance myself from others and start cutting myself. It's like a huge mood swing from being jolly to that

Harming myself with a razor is a recent thing I developed. I just feel so out of control. I was even sent to the hospital one time for injuries, fever, and depression, but they kicked me out in the middle of the night, lol. I'm still diagnosed with just mild depression

I just cut both my wrists open countless times even though I thought I had control over it. It's a lose-lose situation. If I throw my sharp tools away, I feel like I'm going insane with the urges to hurt myself. But if I have them, I cut myself all over

I feel like this just makes me a horrible, horrible friend, as my friends know what I'm going through, but I'm so elusive too. At the same time, I want comfort, but I feel so selfish. Sometimes the things they joke about me hurt me too and make me physically hurt myself, and I'm too afraid to tell them that it stings

I'm just so unstable. I feel like it's better if I'm alone, but I'm scared I'll always be lonely, am unwanted forever, and will die alone

Sometimes I wish to go by cutting my wrists vertically but I know it's a slowly painful and unreliable way to die

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I can't imagine the kind of pain you're in.

 

[Phosphate mate]

Never took to razor balding myself as I already have enough scars as it is.

@merryberry - your reaction to things seems similar to me :(, I just push everyone away or hide.

Friends don't know I'm like this. I feel ashamed.

 

[FishRain3469]

Muchh the same way myself.. Haven't been able to Fully express myself like I used to in years past... Fear, shame, embarrassment, guilt, resentment, elusiveness... You name it, I get it.

May your days get better, and Brighter. - Take care. ♥

 

[iplayedmyself]

meds ruined my life and made me retarded. they'll do the same to you if u keep taking them.

 

[Phosphate mate]

meds ruined my life and made me retarded. they'll do the same to you if u keep taking them.

Took Sertraline for one day

Never again. Never ever doing that again. Why do they prescribe that

 

[merryberry]

My friend is saying it feels like I'm playing with their emotions fml I'm happy we have this site though as we understand more each other. Thank you all

meds ruined my life and made me retarded. they'll do the same to you if u keep taking them.

Yeah, I'm taking escitalopram. I'm at least quitting it as it made me much more self-destructive but I guess I still have slight hope for other meds left

 

[Phosphate mate]

My friend is saying it feels like I'm playing with their emotions fml I'm happy we have this site though as we understand more each other. Thank you all

Yeah, I'm taking escitalopram. I'm at least quitting it as it made me much more self-destructive but I guess I still have slight hope for other meds left

I know I said earlier in this thread that Sertraline sent me insane for a day but if you think they might make a difference it could be worth trialing a diff one and seeing if it helps or not.

Took my dad like 6 different drugs until he found that Citralopram worked for him.

 

[merryberry]

I know I said earlier in this thread that Sertraline sent me insane for a day but if you think they might make a difference it could be worth trialing a diff one and seeing if it helps or not.

Took my dad like 6 different drugs until he found that Citralopram worked for him.

True that. Though it takes about a month for the medicine to show its full effect—unless the side effects are so bad that it's obvious it doesn't fit. My doctor still made me take escitalopram for nearly two months and it didn't go well :,D Waiting and testing different meds is awful, but hopefully one may work

 

[Phosphate mate]

True that. Though it takes about a month for the medicine to show its full effect—unless the side effects are so bad that it's obvious it doesn't fit. My doctor still made me take escitalopram for nearly two months and it didn't go well :,D Waiting and testing different meds is awful, but hopefully one may work

Praying for you that things get better and something works!

All the best and have a peaceful day/night

 

[Untimely]

I'm really sorry to hear all of that

 

[CutToRelease]

Yeah I feel that if they day gose well I will only cut my selfa little just to push away the constat felling of tiredness. But if it is a bad day I easily give my self about ten cuts along my arm just cause it helps me vent the frustration of the day. Never tried medicine so cant say anything there best of luck to u tho.

 

[Griever]