Something inside me just changed.

[Busridin'26]

Even if I'm here today. Even if I enjoy moments in life & such... I dont want to be here. & especially not for long.

Something inside me gradually changed in me. It's not like I didn't keep on for long. It's not like its impossible to change it... maybe...

I just know what I want & enjoy. Life isn't it...

I feel bad at times like rn when my friend is over and I'm enjoying time with her.. I dunno

 

[canuck]

We tend to not let ourselves be happy, even when everything seems to be going well, so don't feel bad about enjoying time with yourself or someone. Those are the moments we should learn to fight for. But we are our toughest critics, and my personal belief is i dont deserve anything good so why should i feel good? I dunno i feel your frustration but its hard to put into words...as you can tell im new to this, and all its vulnerability

wishing you all the best right now

 

[Busridin'26]

We tend to not let ourselves be happy, even when everything seems to be going well, so don't feel bad about enjoying time with yourself or someone. Those are the moments we should learn to fight for. But we are our toughest critics, and my personal belief is i dont deserve anything good so why should i feel good? I dunno i feel your frustration but its hard to put into words...as you can tell im new to this, and all its vulnerability

wishing you all the best right now

Yeah I totally get what you mean... also hard for me to put it into words as well.

It's like ik I'm going to CTB so I almost feel guilty enjoying time with anyone??? Like ik I dont deserve to be isolated just bc I feel like this about life but it's hard I guess... frustrating.

 

[canuck]

yeah its almost like i feel as if im dragging people down with me if i try and be honest with them....so then i try to put a facade on like 'its all good' but then that turns into self isolation. And just like you said we dont deserve that, especially when its as hard to connect with people at times. Its like your damned if you do, your damned if you dont scenario....

but we got this forum, so you are all my new best friends now lol