Venting someone i used to know caught the bus

[trouble]

...and it has kinda affected me more than I thought it would.
We both met at the hospital after an attempt, both tried to go with downing pills. Our experiences with them were different, she used 21, if i remember correctly, random pills whilst I used 38 ibuprofen. I vomited, she didn't - for her it was rather peaceful before she got saved. Anyway, we quickly became friends, laughed together, ate together, got into trouble together. All that shit.
After I left, we kept texting for around half a year before we kind of lost contact. Just recently, a few days ago, I found out that she committed suicide. I didn't ask about the method out of respect. I didn't want her friend, from whom I found out, to have to remember it all again.
I was kind of fine at first, I am pro choice after all but I've been bawling for the past two or three days. I don't know why. It was such a long time ago since we last talked or texted, I don't see why it's affecting me this much. I just suck at dealing with death, maybe.
I've started to question if I'm even real, if anything of this is even seriously happening. I feel so stuck here and I just want to leave. I can't concentrate anymore. It has sent me straight back into wanting to CTB all over again. I thought I was getting better but I guess I was wrong. I am trying hard not to slip back into self destructive behaviours right now, but I'd like to put my head in a shredder in all honesty.

 

[Huntfish34]

So sorry to hear that happened and you're having to deal with this tragedy. I Believe you were bawling because you are a good Human being. .. Because you cared for and loved this person, and you have a bigger heart than you may know. Thanks for sharing this, Prayers to you and Everyone involved. Take care.

 

[trouble]

So sorry to hear that happened and you're having to deal with this tragedy. I Believe you were bawling because you are a good Human being. .. Because you cared for and loved this person, and you have a bigger heart than you may know. Thanks for sharing this, Prayers to you and Everyone involved. Take care.

Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot to me :)

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So sorry for your loss. I'm pro choice also but when it's someone you know it's hard. There are 2 people I know that CTB. The second I'm not totally positive but almost certain. I didn't want to ask the family. I didn't find out until a few weeks later. I know the second had struggled with mental problems but both were a shock. I felt guilty especially after the first one. Wondering if I could have done anything.
This was before I was in the place I am now. I have always wanted to die but the last few years have been really difficult. I now understand better why they wanted to CTB.
It's even hard when someone one here CTB. Especially when it's someone I talk to. Even if it isn't always in PM's. When I thought @K-O CTB I felt sick. So glad she is back.

 

[KiraComplex]

...and it has kinda affected me more than I thought it would.
We both met at the hospital after an attempt, both tried to go with downing pills. Our experiences with them were different, she used 21, if i remember correctly, random pills whilst I used 38 ibuprofen. I vomited, she didn't - for her it was rather peaceful before she got saved. Anyway, we quickly became friends, laughed together, ate together, got into trouble together. All that shit.
After I left, we kept texting for around half a year before we kind of lost contact. Just recently, a few days ago, I found out that she committed suicide. I didn't ask about the method out of respect. I didn't want her friend, from whom I found out, to have to remember it all again.
I was kind of fine at first, I am pro choice after all but I've been bawling for the past two or three days. I don't know why. It was such a long time ago since we last talked or texted, I don't see why it's affecting me this much. I just suck at dealing with death, maybe.
I've started to question if I'm even real, if anything of this is even seriously happening. I feel so stuck here and I just want to leave. I can't concentrate anymore. It has sent me straight back into wanting to CTB all over again. I thought I was getting better but I guess I was wrong. I am trying hard not to slip back into self destructive behaviours right now, but I'd like to put my head in a shredder in all honesty.

the curse of being suicidal. when you relate to someone you know they wont be around soon. im sorry what happened.