Venting some feelings

[blackpaper]

Hi everyone,

I just want to share my feelings so some of you feel a bit less alone in their pain or even maybe even understood as I have for the first time in my life by reading thru this forum.
I suppose many here also have mental illness problems like I have (depression etc...).

I feel imprisoned by life, the reality around me and periodically feel the rupturing pains of loneliness and hoplessness thinking about how long I still have wait till its over.
Everytime the pain hits hard I curse myself for continuing but I´m as of yet to weak to kill myself. Ive waited for good things to come to me all my life but thats not how life works,
I guess. Well and now even the peace of death wont come.

I dream of dying by being disintegrated by all-consuming explosion bathing everything in glowing light or by flying into the sun. Or peacefully melting with/into the earth.

How about you?

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I feel the same. Constant blackness with very few rays of rainbow colored light. It just doesn't pay off to live for those few rays.
It's like I screwed up the timeline badly and my whole being feels it.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

My life is actually better then it was when I was younger, but since I've grown older I've grown more suicidal.
My life is mediocre.
But I've been dealing with mental illness all my life and I'm fed up of being alive now, it sucks.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

Mental illness is still not taken seriously enough, globally. Big portion of us meatbags suffer immensely from it, while others sit back and look at us funny. 'Why don't you do something about it?' they'll say. 'Things will get better.' they'll say. 'Think about how you're hurting others, feeling this way.' blah, blah, blah.

Here's one for them, 'Why don't you sit back and try to understand the way we feel or have suffered through our lives with this?'

But, I digress. I agree with how OP feels, almost to a T (especially with the dreams) and with @TearyEyedQueen with the viewpoint.