Solution to being ugly?

[monkeysee2]

I'm objectively unattractive and ugly, expecially when compared to others my age.

Is there any solution to stop feeling like this or stop caring?

 

[Hvergelmir]

Is there any solution to stop feeling like this or stop caring?

You can alter your looks significantly. I think to stop caring would be a mistake. You will get better opportunities if you're attractive.
That said, you may want to consider it a temporary facade, to not have your self worth tied to it. Being anxious about ones appearance tend to hurt attractiveness.

My solution is to look at it like any other practical problem. You can usually achieve quite a lot with a small investment, before diminishing returns hit. If you think it's very important, invest more.

 

[TBONTB]

I'm objectively unattractive and ugly, expecially when compared to others my age.

Is there any solution to stop feeling like this or stop caring?

Definitely keep caring. Fresh hair, the most stylish clothes you can muster...these will all project you as more attractive and they are worth it. They also make you just look like you care about yourself and about life. And that is attractive.

Go for it!

 

[monkeysee2]

I've aleady maxed everything out with trying to look my best.

Only improvement I can really do now is hit the gym.

 

[TBONTB]

I've aleady maxed everything out with trying to look my best.

Only improvement I can really do now is hit the gym.

I hope tomorrow meet you one day so I can objectively find you attractive...in an aunty kind of a way

 

[monkeysee2]

I hope tomorrow meet you one day so I can objectively find you attractive...in an aunty kind of a way

Or maybe you'll be repulsed and confirm my suspicions

I know I can't change my face but it's just accepting this is the meat bag I have to live life through.

 

[sanctionedusage]

You can alter your looks significantly. I think to stop caring would be a mistake. You will get better opportunities if you're attractive.
That said, you may want to consider it a temporary facade, to not have your self worth tied to it. Being anxious about ones appearance tend to hurt attractiveness.

Don't know about that, the richest and other powerful people in the world are quite ugly. Mark Z, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Donald Trump. Alice Walton, Francoise Bettencourt, Mary Barra, Kamala Harris.

monkeysee2, only sex objects are obligated to be attractive. People who judge you based on how sexually attracted to you they are, are primate minded scum. Imagine where you'd be if you put in the energy and money you would into body modding and maxxing into anything else you could want.

 

[monkeysee2]

Don't know about that, the richest and other powerful people in the world are quite ugly. Mark Z, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Donald Trump. Alice Walton, Francoise Bettencourt, Mary Barra, Kamala Harris.

monkeysee2, only sex objects are obligated to be attractive. People who judge you based on how sexually attracted to you they are, are primate minded scum. Imagine where you'd be if you put in the energy and money you would into body modding and maxxing into anything else you could want.

People do judge you based on how attractive you are, even if they aren't sexually attacted to you! For example, studies have shown better looking criminals get lighter sentences, attractive people are viewed as more capable for a job and more intelligent.

Men are judged all the time for their height, most presidents in the past 100 years have been well above average height.

It's true that you can achieve 'great' things if you are unattactive but it's much harder.

 

[KlixxFoxe]

Is there any solution to stop feeling like this or stop caring?

For example, if a serious problem arises in your life, that is much more serious than being unattractive. There are many other bad things that could happen to you

 

[monkeysee2]

For example, if a serious problem arises in your life, that is much more serious than being unattractive. There are many other bad things that could happen to you

That's true but life is always a bottomless pit of 'it could get worse'.

 

[KlixxFoxe]

That's true but life is always a bottomless pit of 'it could get worse'.

I had similar thoughts, and now I'm just sharing my experience. Believe me, there are things much scarier than being unattractive

 

[Hvergelmir]

only sex objects are obligated to be attractive.

Attractive does not necessarily mean sexual, and I was indeed not talking about sexual attraction. The people you refer to are all attractive in their own right, and being overtly sexual would not benefit them.
Let's play with the idea a hypersexualized version of Camala Harris, successfully attracting lots of sexual desire. Would this be attractive to her voter base? (I don't think so.)

 

[sanctionedusage]

Attractive does not necessarily mean sexual, and I was indeed not talking about sexual attraction. The people you refer to are all attractive in their own right, and being overtly sexual would not benefit them.
Let's play with the idea a hypersexualized version of Camala Harris, successfully attracting lots of sexual desire. Would this be attractive to her voter base? (I don't think so.)

I honestly equate physical attractiveness to sexual attractiveness. What other benefit does being physically attractive have that would compel biological human behavior to prefer someone who's attractive over someone who's not? Conventional physical beauty is based on characteristics that convey health or positive traits (grooming, attention to detail, etc.) as a prospective partner; this is what I mean by sexual attractiveness. Even if the other person is not sexually attracted to your gender, they'll still be regarding your looks as competition or social status if they're judgmental which is still rooted in this biological concept of physical attractiveness relating to procreation, the gene pool, sexual attraction, etc.

People do judge you based on how attractive you are, even if they aren't sexually attacted to you! For example, studies have shown better looking criminals get lighter sentences, attractive people are viewed as more capable for a job and more intelligent.

Men are judged all the time for their height, most presidents in the past 100 years have been well above average height.

It's true that you can achieve 'great' things if you are unattactive but it's much harder.

People do judge, but if it were significant enough to the point of progressing in life being "much harder," the vast majority of rich and powerful people would be attractive and they're simply not. You're ignoring all other components of a man's attractiveness other than height as well by your president example btw, which is just a strawman. What do you personally want to achieve? And if you genuinely think achieving it would be much easier while being attractive then why are you even open to a suggestion on how you'd be able to stop caring?

Men are judged all the time for their height, most presidents in the past 100 years have been well above average height.

Average presidential height overall being ~180cm; 5'10. Average male height in the US is 5'9. I don't think thats "well above average height."

 

[k1m]

I'm objectively unattractive and ugly, expecially when compared to others my age.

Is there any solution to stop feeling like this or stop caring?

Go outside and count how many people are actually ugly vs. just unique.

Being funny and confident is a big plus. You get confident when you have a healthy social life, emotional safety with your friends (not just hoping to have that with a partner), and a good idea of who you want to be (instead of how you want to appear, physically or otherwise).

 

[Hvergelmir]

What other benefit does being physically attractive have that would compel biological human behavior to prefer someone who's attractive over someone who's not?

Your physical appearance gives me a rough idea of your capabilities and group associations, and sets my expectations - often fairly accurately.
Attractiveness is not one-dimensional. Attributes attract some things, and repel others.

While height seem like an attractive attribute in a presidential election, other sexually attractive attributes doesn't seem all that important.
Like others have said, the rich and powerful are rarely the most attractive bunch.
(I speculate, that it's as simple as being tall enables you to be noticed, seen, and heard in more situations.)

 

[gimpyfairy]

Most boring advice ever, but if you feel uncomfortable with your body you should consider:

1. The gym, even if you don't want muscles staying fit is very very attractive
2. Healthy diet, it makes you feel better overall and helps with the above point
3. Skincare, your face is (hopefully) covered in skin and you can improve how that skin looks, at the very least consider sunscreen so your face will age better
4. Take care of your teeth, brush them every meal and make sure your breath doesn't smell bad
5. Perfumes are amazing, you can pick out a smell you like and that can sort of be your signature, just research and see what you like.
6. Other things, such as general attention to details. For examples there's places where hair is not attractive; think of unibrowns, nose hair or the good old neckbeard.

The list could go on and on but essentially when you look at your body don't just dismiss yourself as ugly, ask yourself what exactly bothers you and think or research if you can change that thing.

 

[Lions303]

I'm objectively unattractive and ugly, expecially when compared to others my age.

If a friend was like 'im objectively attractive and ugly' what would you tell them? Would you say 'yeah you are?' that to someone you care about? No. Right? I know its hard but when you hear yourself saying something bad, imagine youre speaking to yourself like you were a friend.

Suggestions of good hygiene, physical health, style, fragrances, good hair cut, etc are good yes so dont stop caring ofc as they might help with the self worth/talk. My point with that is you could be doing anything and everything but if you still think bad about yourself then it will still feel the same.

Its not going to happen overnight, theres stuff i dont like about myself too ofc most of us have things, a majority of people are so focused on their own flaws/insecurities that they wont even notice other peoples <3

 

[sanctionedusage]

Your physical appearance gives me a rough idea of your capabilities and group associations, and sets my expectations - often fairly accurately.
Attractiveness is not one-dimensional. Attributes attract some things, and repel others.

While length seem like an attractive attribute in a presidential election, other sexually attractive attributes doesn't seem all that important.
Like others have said, the rich and powerful are rarely the most attractive bunch.
(I speculate, that it's as simple as being tall enables you to be noticed, seen, and heard in more situations.)

I don't see how meaningful opportunities would rely on sexually attractive attributes at all. Attractiveness also doesn't give you an idea of anyone's capabilities and associations; the latter would be only for race or other ethnoreligious group's physical stereotypes, independent of attractiveness. We're talking about ugliness vs beauty which exists within all ethnoreligious and political groups, so the latter categories of "group associations & your expectations" is irrelevant, while judging capabilities by attractiveness is just straight up bigoted. And I still don't see how you can use the presidential example with height if the average height closely matches the average height of all US men anyway, it's not above average and there are several presidents well, well below the average. Also, I still fail to see how it's important besides a speculation if presidents are usually seated or standing on a podium or a stage at least 3' high anyway for visibility; they don't rely on the extra inch of height to set themselves apart from the crowd.

 

[monkeysee2]

View attachment 180526
Average presidential height overall being ~180cm; 5'10. Average male height in the US is 5'9. I don't think thats "well above average height."

This is out of all presidents in history where historically the average height for men has been lower than 5'9. The shortest president since Coolidge has been 5'9, with most being taller.

 

[sanctionedusage]

This is out of all presidents in history where historically the average height for men has been lower than 5'9. The shortest president since Coolidge has been 5'9, with most being taller.

The average national height for men in the US has only gone up by 3cm compared to Washington's age group when he first served, so the standard for what's considered tall was likely very similar to what we consider tall now-- and prior to Coolidge, we had several "short" presidents like John Adams at 5'7 around Washington's age group, Madison at 5'4, Buren at 5'6. That dip you see is the average of 169cm around when Coolidge was born compared to his age group in the years he served during the great depression, and he was indeed still only 2.5" taller than his age group like today's height discrepancy. And this is significant because the great depression implies an even higher need for an authoritative, reliable, etc. president which you're suggesting the standard of height played a role in; but the height difference in the leader and the people is the same as the height difference in those two parties observed today when we're not even in an economic crisis (and half the country doesn't believe we're in any sort of national crisis at all).

So, referring to the original graph you replied to, while the average height of presidents has gone up a few cm, so has our national height average. And the difference between the president's height and the national average, averages out to minuscule and kind of ridiculous to credit for giving them an upper hand instead of rhetoric, appeal to group rep (the working class, the south, self proclaimed 'real americans', etc.), age, etc.




I would not call this a big height difference at all, especially taking into account the distance from which anyone would perceive these candidates, hair, shoes, and weight skewing the perception of who's taller.

Even taking the latest average on the graph of 185cm instead of 180cm around the 23rd, that's still only ~3 inches taller than the national average, example depicted above. That's not even enough of a difference for most women to be satisfied in terms of a height difference with their own partner, let alone the difference between attractive and unattractive.

 

[Hvergelmir]

I don't see how meaningful opportunities would rely on sexually attractive attributes at all.

They don't rely on sexually attractive attributes, but attributes of which some happen to also be sexually attractive.
I don't like conflating attractiveness with sex appeal. There's an overlap, but they're conceptually distinct.
My claim is still that you can have attraction without sex appeal, and vice versa.

Attractiveness also doesn't give you an idea of anyone's capabilities and associations

That's why I used the term appearance - it's not about a one-dimensional beauty score. How you choose to present yourself, gives people an idea of how you like to be seen, and subsequently who you are.
This attracts certain people and opportunities, and repels others, which over time feed back into your personal development.

It's a part of non-verbal communication, really. I think it deserves to be taken seriously.

...judging capabilities by attractiveness is just straight up bigoted.

Physical capability is quite easily estimated by looking at someone.
Mental capability is harder to estimate, but you can get a rough idea about preferences, education level, etc.

It's not about being intolerant, but making the best possible estimation, where real data is lacking.
It's about staying safe, and approaching the right people for the right things.

 

[sanctionedusage]

They don't rely on sexually attractive attributes, but attributes of which some happen to also be sexually attractive.
I don't like conflating attractiveness with sex appeal. There's an overlap, but they're conceptually distinct.
My claim is still that you can have attraction without sex appeal, and vice versa.

You can have attraction without sex appeal, but your baseline for what's attractive is always going to be sourced in what would've been straightforward biological sexual attraction if we were animals with no concept of anything beyond biology. So you can be sexually attracted even if you don't literally want to have sex with the person. If the two were completely independent, then we'd be seeing a lot more asexuals dating abhorrent-looking human beings, and that's just not observed.

That's why I used the term appearance - it's not about a one-dimensional beauty score. How you choose to present yourself, gives people an idea of how you like to be seen, and subsequently who you are.
This attracts certain people and opportunities, and repels others, which over time feed back into your personal development.

Yeah, but we're talking about beauty and ugliness. Not only "appearance." That's my point: you're getting off topic and bringing in objective factors like grooming habits, accessories pointing at political affiliation, assimilation and race which all exist outside of beauty. Ugly people can be well groomed, physically fit or average, affiliated with something you think is positive, and also a race you share-- and STILL be ugly aside from all of it which is why the comparison is irrelevant. "How you present yourself" is a choice that has nothing to do with your actual attractiveness and everything to do with your character, which can't be judged based on attractiveness; it can only be judged on your appearance ASIDE from attractiveness. So no, it's still not valid to judge people based on their ugliness AND if the aforementioned factors play into what you consider attractive, then it's still rooted in sexual attraction. By your logic, OP doesn't need to be pretty to receive advantage, they just have to brush their hair and not be over/underweight and they'd be equally advantaged as someone who looks identical to Adriana Lima.

It's a part of non-verbal communication, really. I think it deserves to be taken seriously.

Physical capability is quite easily estimated by looking at someone.
Mental capability is harder to estimate, but you can get a rough idea about preferences, education level, etc.

It's not about being intolerant, but making the best possible estimation, where real data is lacking.
It's about staying safe, and approaching the right people for the right things.

You keep bringing up objective, stand-alone traits when we're talking about overall prettiness and ugliness. An ugly person who is well groomed, physically fit, etc. can still be ugly, providing insight to positive traits while still having the face of an ogre. So if positive opportunities are given to people who are only conventionally attractive, you are still not accounting for the discrepancy in people who more or less fit a capability ideal while being ugly. And even then, you're also still ignoring the number of people who are rich and powerful while having bad faces, poor physiques, very poor grooming, and other 'indicators' a part of appearance that you think make or break someone's life enough that ugly people can be considered truly disadvantaged.

The only part of appearance that's separate from beauty + capability estimate standards & also consistent in these rich and powerful, is race (they're white). So the only arguable position in, societally, what types of people get what more easily isn't based on objective beauty, but just race. And no, I don't consider racist beauty standards to be "objective beauty" because it's not rooted in valid biological sexual attraction standards.