Discussion Socially anxious people, awkward ones, “weirdos”, avoidants - how do you survive?

[Atonal]

I am completely incompatible with life.

I've spent years forcing myself into situations that feel psychologically unbearable just to survive. Not that I wanted to, but life dragged me into it, so I had no choice but to go through the hell that was unimaginable for someone who couldn't even leave the house. I don't even want to describe what it cost me.
But still socially and mentally everyday life feels exhausting in a way most people around me probably can't even see.

I recently tried working in restaurant kitchens. I thought maybe I'll be able to manage it after all. Like at least I won't need to communicate with customers. Instead it just confirmed how broken and out of place I am.

The work itself wasn't even the main problem. Constant tension, gossips, passive aggression, shitty people, social hierarchies. People talking shit behind my back about how dumb and useless I am and persuading others to look closely at me and notice everything that seems weird to them. Feeling watched all the time, feeling judged for being quiet or awkward. And then being fired because they persuade the boss to get rid of me.

I felt constantly on edge, like I had to monitor every expression, every word, every movement. Trying to look relaxed while internally feeling trapped and overloaded. And because I'm naturally anxious and withdrawn, people immediately notice something is wrong with me. Then comes the usual bullshit: Be more confident, talk more, relax, be more active, why don't you participate in our gossips or in discussing some generic bullshit.

The truth is I only managed to even search for jobs and attend trial shifts under tons of medication "cocktails". Without it I would have avoided the entire process indefinitely or until I'd become homeless. I just wouldn't even manage to go there. And even medicated I still came across as awkward, detached, uncomfortable and whatever.
Or just dumb and incompetent even in things that are considered common sense.

Meanwhile other people seem built for such life. They socialize naturally, joke around naturally, tolerate chaos naturally. I feel like every hour around people drains me mentally to the point where I just can't take it anymore. Even though I had to go through things that threatened my life and freedom and managed to avoid all of that, go through it and solve insane unbearable problems, but just trying to function in this "normal life" is worse.

It's worse than facing the executioner's noose. Because in that case, at least you know you'll have to go through the horror and then it will all be over.
In this case though, you know you'll have to go through this hell, then you'll go home and at best you'll drift off into a restless anxious sleep if you're lucky and then it will all happen again, and again.

You can be responsible, hardworking, willing to learn and still fail because your nervous system constantly signals discomfort and avoidance to other people.

At this point I honestly don't know where people like me are supposed to exist. Most workplaces feel psychologically hostile if you're quiet, avoidant or socially anxious.

I don't even feel like a person and more like something trying to survive exposure to other humans while pretending to be a human being too.

So I just want to ask:
How do deeply avoidant, socially anxious, chronically withdrawn people survive long-term?

Did any of you actually find environments or ways of living that seem at least more or less bearable to survive for a while?

 

[Truecel2008]

I'm giving up right now

Right now I'm heading to a teachers' office to do my homework and study for my final exams ALONE, at my high school

Because after I insulted that fat philosophy teacher, I told the coordinators I didn't want to go to class anymore and wouldn't set foot in my classroom where my classmates are for anything in the world

So now, I'm in an office doing my homework

And honestly, at this point in my life, I'd rather be alone

I don't have anyone

My relationship with my dad is shit, and with my fat Latina stepmom, it's even worse

I hardly ever see my mom

I haven't seen my grandpa in two years

This Easter I was in my grandma's town, and honestly, ever since then I've decided never to go back there again

I don't have any friends; I've never had a girlfriend or boyfriend

I just think nobody makes me happy anymore, and honestly, I don't feel like getting close to anyone anymore

Not because of my extreme shyness, but simply because I don't see the point in talking to people anymore

Much less some dumb high school kids—everyone there is superficial

 

[gardenoflonely]

i dont lol i give up. this world was not made for me and idgaf enough to keep hurting myself to make others feel better. my brain does not work like a lot of other peoples, something that i know some people can relate to but not everyone can sympathize to. i'm still a person even if i'm not completely understand but im tired of walking on eggshells worried about messing up some social rule and offending someone i never meant to. how is this a way to live? i have worked in food settings like you mentioned and the clique-yness is wild. we're all adults, this isnt highschool. why am i explaining myself to earn basic respect? humans are complex and we are all so very different and the same simultaneously. it's so hard trying to "perform" because it feels like it's only acceptable to be a certain way.

i haven't been feeling like a person either like you said. just something to entertain people and if i crack then im useless

 

[usernameless]

I have AvPD. I'm the same way. I don't have a damn clue how I'm going to survive.

 

[Pluto]

 

[NotSoEnchanted]

I resonate with the entirety of this, so much so I could have written every word myself. I truly think I'm incompatible with modern life, it's been this way since I was a child and only got worse as I aged + gained more responsibilities.

I'm actually sitting in the parking lot of my local dollar general right now, too disregulated to step foot inside without being an avoidant, shakey mess. Like this isn't even a store in the city, it's small and there's only a few cars in the parking lot, yet even then I can barely manage. Everytime I come here I'm always envious of the fact that whoever checks me out can handle a job and navigate the workplace environment that comes with. Like I could never, I would collapse within myself and quit in a week.

I believe the only environment/way of living I would thrive in is one that's completely unattainable to me. That being living in a tiny cabin in the woods on acreage, well away from others, with plenty of animals, and no traditional job.

Unfortunately since this just isn't realistic nor obtainable, I'll be ending my life soon. I simply don't fit in, can't do anything about it, and am tired of living this way.

 

[AnxiousLife]

It's difficult, I don't have any friends, relationships and don't know if will ever have one in the future.

Work is also a lot different than for most people. Even though I had a very nice job in the past, receiving good earnings, colleagues were super nice and job itself was easy, it still wasn't easy for me. I almost always feel like people don't like me. Like what if someone is judging me? What if someone thinks that I'm terrible? What if they know I have anxiety (which hightens my anxiety even more). Also sometimes I can't talk. Like at all, maybe it's selective mutism, as it seems like the best match to what I'm experiencing. So even when I want to talk when feeling anxious, a lot of the times it's just not possible. So after half a year I no longer worked there, as it was just too difficult to be around people, even though the job was perfect.

Combined with depression and ocd, I don't even have motivation to work on most things, so I just stay home as a NEET and spend every day on my phone, which is sad, but I feel like i cannot change my situation, I'm tired of trying, while others (some of course) have things so much easier