Social workers trying to help but I already gave up

[Exhausted546]

I'm not even putting effort in. I legit already gave up. I just need to hurry and CTH before my lack of effort worsens my situation.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I'm getting calls from the mental health system now. My last therapist was nice. I feel kinda bad never talking to him again after he left me a voicemail. My dad's trying to have me evaluated for an SMI (severe mental illness) designation, which might get me...Medicaid? Some access to care I don't have already? Idk. I feel done.

I've rehearsed hanging enough I think I can go outside and try a serious one (high enough) tonight in the dark. I'd be lying if I said my mind was made up to step off the chair. I guess my condition for suicide is a fantasy: I want hanging to feel like falling asleep. It decidedly does not.

 

[Exhausted546]

I'm getting calls from the mental health system now. My last therapist was nice. I feel kinda bad never talking to him again after he left me a voicemail. My dad's trying to have me evaluated for an SMI (severe mental illness) designation, which might get me...Medicaid? Some access to care I don't have already? Idk. I feel done.

I've rehearsed hanging enough I think I can go outside and try a serious one (high enough) tonight in the dark. I'd be lying if I said my mind was made up to step off the chair. I guess my condition for suicide is a fantasy: I want hanging to feel like falling asleep. It decidedly does not.

You decided on doing it outside in the end? Where? Is it cold where you live?

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

You decided on doing it outside in the end? Where? Is it cold where you live?

Corner of the house has an RV cover with a bar I can tie on to. That's the only spot that's high enough. The pullup bar and the laundry room bar for hanging clothes (heavy duty!) will have me on tiptoes willing myself into partial. It's warm here btw.

Also, the only time of day I feel okay is after dinner. My dad grilled burgers. Coffee has worn off. I feel downright cozy right now and I'll take the easy unconsciousness (sleep) over the hard one (neck constriction). As always, I put things off. Maybe pre-dawn. Fat chance.

 

[Exhausted546]

Corner of the house has an RV cover with a bar I can tie on to. That's the only spot that's high enough. The pullup bar and the laundry room bar for hanging clothes (heavy duty!) will have me on tiptoes willing myself into partial. It's warm here btw.

Also, the only time of day I feel okay is after dinner. My dad grilled burgers. Coffee has worn off. I feel downright cozy right now and I'll take the easy unconsciousness (sleep) over the hard one (neck constriction). As always, I put things off. Maybe pre-dawn. Fat chance.

What made you decide to do it outside instead of at home?
Wouldn't it be better in the middle of the night like midnight-4am?

It's fine not to rush things, rushing things increases the chances of mistakes

For me the only private space I can think of is the closed trail in the regional park. It's like -25 Celcius outside tho