Venting So powerless, can’t be fucked anymore

[KleinerWolf]

What do you mean I'm a Chinese national,
What do you mean this is all I get?

how about no?
I could have been German or French?

Yes I'm clearly delusional and escapism coping at this point.
I'll probably be out of here when my sn arrives, 3 weeks in, where is it?

asdfkj

so powerless, so pathetic, such low self esteem.

im not even me, u know?
Fuck man, what happened!

 

[ZardozOmega]

Huezillian here, can relate.

 

[http-410]

May I ask what issues you have because of your citizenship or country of origin? Is it something personal or is it the country and culture itself?

Sorry if I get too personal, you don't need to answer that of course, I'm just curious. In the past, I used to be very interested in China, its culture and politics and I've seen several "china critical" videos (especially China Uncensored, serpentza and laowhy) and I still watch documentaries about China from time to time. Most of the subjects are rather dystopian, so I wouldn't be surprised if that's why you're suffering.

 

[KleinerWolf]

May I ask what issues you have because of your citizenship or country of origin? Is it something personal or is it the country and culture itself?

Sorry if I get too personal, you don't need to answer that of course, I'm just curious. In the past, I used to be very interested in China, its culture and politics and I've seen several "china critical" videos (especially China Uncensored, serpentza and laowhy) and I still watch documentaries about China from time to time. Most of the subjects are rather dystopian, so I wouldn't be surprised if that's why you're suffering.

Both.

I've had a tough upbringing and connection when it comes to China.

Ive never belonged to the culture or whatever it is they pride themselves.

I was also heavily influenced with western influences growing up,
I feel out of place, basically a complete loss of identity and unable to complete myself due to immigration struggles.

China is not good for me,
If western cultural influence is like cocaine, I need my dose everyday, and I want a sense of belonging too, simply because it fulfills me and makes me feel good and accepted.

I also had numerous bad experiences when it comes to China and Chinese people who either bullied
, disadvantaged or scammed me.

the country is okay for tourism if you temporarily live there, but it has no freedom, you wouldn't wanna be associated with it if you have your own ideas/ have an option to emigrate away.
bit of a shitshow that's too hard to explain really.

 

[Donk]

nobody wants to be who they are when confronted with existential crisis.

 

[Life_and_Death]

basically a complete loss of identity

have you tried looking inside yourself to find your identity? sometimes its hiding. i know i struggle with it sometimes

 

[KleinerWolf]

have you tried looking inside yourself to find your identity? sometimes its hiding. i know i struggle with it sometimes

I just want to be complete with who I already am.
I even struggle with that when it comes to legal status and whatnot.

I don't have the effort and time to construct a completely new idea, and I wouldn't know where to begin.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I just want to be complete with who I already am.
I even struggle with that when it comes to legal status and whatnot.

I don't have the effort and time to construct a completely new idea, and I wouldn't know where to begin.

think of it more of a discovery then an invention. you arent creating a new you, youre discovering youself. YOU isnt what society makes you. you are your beliefs, your experience, your personality. a lot of different things makes you you. your face, your skin color, your accent, your language, its nothing more then a shell. anyone can have those traits but what makes you you is inside, and in todays society it can be difficult to remember that

 

[KleinerWolf]

think of it more of a discovery then an invention. you arent creating a new you, youre discovering youself. YOU isnt what society makes you. you are your beliefs, your experience, your personality. a lot of different things makes you you. your face, your skin color, your accent, your language, its nothing more then a shell. anyone can have those traits but what makes you you is inside, and in todays society it can be difficult to remember that

at one point you realise oh I have consciousness now,
There's no going back.

that's me.

I have no regrets, I like myself,
Even though things are a bit twisted.

life is chaotic anyway.
I fit in just fine.

 

[Gerard de Nerval]

Saw this when it released on the criterion collection. Great work of art. I hope the director found peace.