So... I should probably consider recovery

[jodes2]

I'm not that suicidal anymore, not at the moment at least, it's annoying.

I wish I could. I don't see how I can recover when they've been treating me for 20 years already.

I don't want to hurt my gf, however bad the relationship might be ATM.

I'm fed up of worrying if a method will work or not, and all the ins and outs of the method fill my head,it's exhausting planning suicide.

Then there's the final can I do it thoughts. Getting the guts to jump at beachy head or down the SN and not ask for help are stretches I don't know if I can pull off.

Maybe I'm not desperate enough yet / anymore. Maybe in this phase of my life it's not meant to be. Do I wait until everyone around me has died? Then I can go. In the mean time I need to recover the best I can. Life is so shit though.

 

[Life_and_Death]

reading this reminded me of my bpd. "yeah ok, ill try" "just f*cking kill me now". its been a damn cycle for so long that ive given up during "good times". just nope, im tired of this back and forth BS, this is probably the last try for me, and i dont feel like my hearts into it..

 

[jodes2]

reading this reminded me of my bpd. "yeah ok, ill try" "just f*cking kill me now". its been a damn cycle for so long that ive given up during "good times". just nope, im tired of this back and forth BS, this is probably the last try for me, and i dont feel like my hearts into it..

Oh you have BPD? I was diagnosed with that once too, the ups and downs aren't fun. What's the last try for you? Ctb or recovery?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Oh you have BPD? I was diagnosed with that once too, the ups and downs aren't fun. What's the last try for you? Ctb or recovery?

recovery i guess even though i literally just decided to sign up for MAiD, but thats almost a year away so whatever i guess

 

[jodes2]

recovery i guess even though i literally just decided to sign up for MAiD, but thats almost a year away so whatever i guess

What's MAiD?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Medical Assistance in Dying (or something really really close to that) its canadas version of doctor assisted suicide and i have to wait for the laws to be updated in march to accept mentally ill, then ill get to bring a pill home and go to sleep from what ive read. well after a 3month check up type thing. the timing would actually work out as a bday present to myself...i wonder if thats a sign lol

 

[jodes2]

That's amazing! I wish we had that in the UK. I hope you get it as a nice birthday treat! At least so it's there if you want it