So i found a cable

[Ryukil93]

Sorry for so many threads. Well, I knew there was an extension cord out in the garage, I'm pretty sure I should be able to use this. So, I just put it in the closet and threw one end on top of the door and closed the door...it's pretty tight so I'll bet it can support my body weight.

Now I just need to figure out how to tie it into a slip knot, I guess? Any advice? lol

 

[Ashpac]

This helped me learn the slipknot.

 

[Ryukil93]

Thanks, looks to be a good one.

 

[Ashpac]

It worked after I tied the rope into a slipknot and did a tester. Lost my vision after 2/3 seconds. So it was decent.

 

[Ryukil93]

So I tied something like a slip knot, got on my knees and leaned forward. Chickened out. It's frightening of course. Guess I just have to try to overcome that survival instinct.

 

[Ryukil93]

I think I will give it a serious try on Sunday.

I'm so scared. But I feel like I have to at least give it an honest try.

For me, these delusions come along telling me that things in my life are okay or will get better. I call them delusions, though, because I've had that feeling that things are okay or will get better so many times before. For years. And they never really do. Things have stayed the same for years and years. I think, instead of clinging to false hope, I just need to end it.

Guess all I need to do is knock myself out, then let fate take over.

Thinking I will listen to some good music on old iPod I just recharged while I do it. Or maybe I'll blast it from the computer.

 

[Ryukil93]

So, it's Sunday. Was thinking everyone would be out of the house at church, but my sister and her husband didn't go. They're downstairs. Should I wait? If I really try to hang myself my body is going to start convulsing, right? It would make a lot of noise and people downstairs would hear?

I just probably only have one chance to do this as, if my parents discover I'm trying to hang myself with an extension cord, I will then lose access to that cord and then my only options will be like towels. I think the cord is a safe bet as I sort of "tested" it and got lightheaded, I just chickened out.

 

[Ryukil93]

Damn it. I guess I can wait one more week...does body start convulsing in these cases? I know I read that somewhere...

I might get a chance this week, and if not hopefully next Sunday.