So I am hurting myself on purpose. Yay....

[Water-Lily]

For some stupid reason I decided to reach out to everyone I know and ask them this:
"Hey. So real talk but do you feel I focus on myself too much with venting and don't feel I give you enough space to talk about yourself?
I feel like a massive attention whore and kind of a bitch so I wanted to see how people really felt about me
One person tore me to shreds about it rn
So thats fucking great
I figure enough critiques could have me killing myself in no time lol

 

[Meditation guide]

By asking this question you are inviting narcissists to devalue you. Just be yourself without worrying about it. This is no place to be critical of others. No one here is perfect.

 

[Water-Lily]

By asking this question you are inviting narcissists to devalue you. That is so they can feel better about themselves. Anything anyone says that is negative may be due to this. We are here to vent especially in chat and that is partly what it's for. Just be yourself without worrying about it. This is no place to be critical of others. No one here is perfect.

one person already said I was hostile, though I can telll they were honest because I have been honestly. But I of course use this as fuel to hurt myself further

 

[Meditation guide]

one person already said I was hostile, though I can telll they were honest because I have been honestly. But I of course use this as fuel to hurt myself further

So that's just great. Now you will be worrying about if you sound hostile. These comments are very dangerous to people like us and are like worms that burrow into our brains and make us doubt ourselves and silence ourselves. You need to realize that and not talk to anyone who tells you negative things about yourself. This is much too harmful and the opposite of what you need.

One of your best traits that I like is you do not censure yourself very much.

 

[Water-Lily]

So that's just great. Now you will be worrying about if you sound hostile. These comments are very dangerous to people like us and are like worms that burrow into our brains and make us doubt ourselves and silence ourselves. You need to realize that and not talk to anyone who tells you negative things about yourself. This is much too harmful and the opposite of what you need.

I had one person tell me I was perfect the way I was but that sounds too nice
Anyways, the one person who said I sounded hostile came from me dipping out of conversations. I admittedly would lash out and then run away so they were pointing that out. They still want to be my friend but I dunno. Im too far gone mentally lol

 

[Meditation guide]

I had one person tell me I was perfect the way I was but that sounds too nice

Yes the compliment is nice but manipulative. It sounds to me like you have some players you chat with but that's just a guess.

 

[Water-Lily]

Yes the compliment is nice but manipulative. It sounds to me like you have some players you chat with but that's just a guess.

I think it was genuine. I have known them for quite a while

 

[Moose.000]

So you're reaching out because you are genuinely interested in their opinions or are you reaching out to fuel your fire?

 

[Water-Lily]

In general though, I dunno who is real vs who isn't. I feel I am around a bunch of fakers 24/7

So you're reaching out because you are genuinely interested in their opinions or are you reaching out to fuel your fire?

Honestly? I think a bit of both, but mostly the latter

 

[Moose.000]

In general though, I dunno who is real vs who isn't. I feel I am around a bunch of fakers 24/7

Honestly? I think a bit of both, but mostly the latter

Interesting tactic. Honestly if you think about it nothing can ignite a fire of agitation and negativity better than average human beings. Literally in my opinion; nothing.

 

[Water-Lily]

Interesting tactic. Honestly if you think about it nothing can ignite a fire of agitation and negativity better than average human beings. Literally in my opinion; nothing.

I feel I don't know what I am doing. Like I am in a car speeding out of control and my libs are bund while the care rams and I keep getting injured over and over, but just not enough to die

 

[Moose.000]

I feel I don't know what I am doing. Like I am in a car speeding out of control and my libs are bund while the care rams and I keep getting injured over and over, but just not enough to die

I get it. Like a ball in a pinball game, but you're the ball. How much can a person take before the final hit finishes them. I feel like the average person would have met their fate by now, if not long ago. We're a different breed though. I believe our hatred for life has made us callused, stronger, even more unbreakable and immune to what would kill the average person. Unfortunately through our constant struggles and battles we've acquired powers we don't want. If anything we want the exact opposite so we have to fight harder. The chaos theory.

 

[Water-Lily]

I get it. Like a ball in a pinball game, but you're the ball. How much can a person take before the final hit finishes them. I feel like the average person would have met their fate by now, if not long ago. We're a different breed though. I believe our hatred for life has made us callused, stronger, even more unbreakable and immune to what would kill the average person. Unfortunately through our constant struggles and battles we've acquired powers we don't want. If anything we want the exact opposite so we have to fight harder. The chaos theory.

Everyday it is a pain in the ass to convince myself I want to die