Venting so good at faking it it makes me upset

[comeoutandhauntme]

i've vented abt this on here before but i'm just so good at faking being happy and okay to everyone that it almost makes me mad lmao, like some secret awful part of me just wishes someone would somehow see past me and realize i'm not okay. but then again i purposely put up so many walls to make sure that doesn't happen, and any time someone DOES check on me or wonder if im okay, i lie straight through my teeth and say that i'm fine. so ig idek what i want LMAO

 

[FinalDestination]

I'm the exact same way. Wanting to be seen but I've been lyjng so long I wouldn't know how. Plus I wouldn't want to forfeit my current freedom and be forcefully sent away or constantly watched over lol. So maybe this way isn't so bad ha

 

[yotaka]

I was just thinking about this exact thing. I think there's a sort of middle ground where we're definitely not ok, but our suffering isn't crippling, so people don't see it. I almost think it would be nice to go catatonic or have a complete mental breakdown; at least that way people wouldn't expect you to just keep going with daily life...

Kind of feels like this

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

I'm the exact same way. Wanting to be seen but I've been lyjng so long I wouldn't know how. Plus I wouldn't want to forfeit my current freedom and be forcefully sent away or constantly watched over lol. So maybe this way isn't so bad ha

yes this is my exact issue lol, like i would rather not be hovered over or sent away to some psych ward just bc someone figures out im suicidal no thank u!!

I was just thinking about this exact thing. I think there's a sort of middle ground where we're definitely not ok, but our suffering isn't crippling, so people don't see it. I almost think it would be nice to go catatonic or have a complete mental breakdown; at least that way people wouldn't expect you to just keep going with daily life...

Kind of feels like this

nah fr, the way i fantasize abt absolutely losing it in front of someone just to feel seen and comforted is crazy. but i'm able to present so normally in my day to day life, at my worst i just come off tired and that's it

 

[yotaka]

nah fr, the way i fantasize abt absolutely losing it in front of someone just to feel seen and comforted is crazy. but i'm able to present so normally in my day to day life, at my worst i just come off tired and that's it

I won't ever do it, but I think it would be hilarious when one of my coworkers asks how it's going to respond with, "I think about killing myself every day." Calm tone, casual inflection, but instead of lying and saying I'm great I would tell the truth. I wonder what they would do

 

[♡Sayori_Kinnie♡]

Type shit
Real unfortunately

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

I won't ever do it, but I think it would be hilarious when one of my coworkers asks how it's going to respond with, "I think about killing myself every day." Calm tone, casual inflection, but instead of lying and saying I'm great I would tell the truth. I wonder what they would do

i wonder ALLLLL the time what someone would do if they heard my real genuine answer lmao especially at work!! but also would just like actually never say that bc why would i do that to some random well meaning person haha

 

[Busridin'26]

The defense mechanism trauma shit that leads to me projecting strength, sanity etc etc when im especially struggling is just one of the worst things. I've found that when I am vulnerable/ break down it's like not believed. Like im faking? Like bc "im resilient" I'm "fine"

Feel like or would take something physical happening to be taken seriously tho that did happen recently and ehhh

Also a fear of saying how bad ot is /unfiltered thoughts bc its that severe? Fear of being locked in psych ward and not being let out.

I dunno if its similar for anyone else but like its so fucking frustrating. Being vulnerable is hard. Being heard is the hardest at times.

virtual hugs for all in thread if welcomed / ok

 

[l1ablemistakes]

i've vented abt this on here before but i'm just so good at faking being happy and okay to everyone that it almost makes me mad lmao, like some secret awful part of me just wishes someone would somehow see past me and realize i'm not okay. but then again i purposely put up so many walls to make sure that doesn't happen, and any time someone DOES check on me or wonder if im okay, i lie straight through my teeth and say that i'm fine. so ig idek what i want LMAO

The amount of times every single day someone asks "how are you", and I plaster on a smile and say "I'm good, how are you?" has begun to hurt. I could never talk about this in casual conversation. I can barely even bring myself to tell my friends I'm struggling, let alone how badly. I've gotten so good at lying and saying just enough to explain my absence but not enough to make them worried it's scary. I know nobody will see it coming which is probably for the best. I don't want anyone to think they should have 'seen the signs' and intervened. I don't think I show any signs.

 

[StryngerX]

For me is the oposite, id give anything to hide that im not fine, everyone notice and keep on asking why im upset, that im acting weird, and this pissed me off.

 

[nitrogenous]

i've vented abt this on here before but i'm just so good at faking being happy and okay to everyone that it almost makes me mad lmao, like some secret awful part of me just wishes someone would somehow see past me and realize i'm not okay. but then again i purposely put up so many walls to make sure that doesn't happen, and any time someone DOES check on me or wonder if im okay, i lie straight through my teeth and say that i'm fine. so ig idek what i want LMAO

I'm sorry you're feeling this way I have the same problem too and unfortunately for me, this has gotten to the point where none of my medical professionals believe me when I told them I was going to end my life just a couple hours after seeing them. They got lucky that a nurse in my gp's clinic actually listened to me and was able to calm me down so I didn't actually ended up attempting… but if it was not because of that, I would have not been here anymore. It's just really sad knowing I truly have no one around me who takes me seriously or cares about me due to me being "fine" or "such a survivor"…

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

The amount of times every single day someone asks "how are you", and I plaster on a smile and say "I'm good, how are you?" has begun to hurt. I could never talk about this in casual conversation. I can barely even bring myself to tell my friends I'm struggling, let alone how badly. I've gotten so good at lying and saying just enough to explain my absence but not enough to make them worried it's scary. I know nobody will see it coming which is probably for the best. I don't want anyone to think they should have 'seen the signs' and intervened. I don't think I show any signs.

u genuinely ripped these words right out of my brain, we may be twins. this is EXACTLY what's happening to me and EXACTLY how i feel lmao. i work at a restaurant and the constant "how are you?" "good, how are you?" is driving me crazy, the plastering on a smile to guests, trying to be positive for my coworkers, yesterday it was so heavy i kept having to like go to the bathroom away from people so i could breathe. but same, doing absolute my best to not so any signs so that nobody feels guilty

I'm sorry you're feeling this way I have the same problem too and unfortunately for me, this has gotten to the point where none of my medical professionals believe me when I told them I was going to end my life just a couple hours after seeing them. They got lucky that a nurse in my gp's clinic actually listened to me and was able to calm me down so I didn't actually ended up attempting… but if it was not because of that, I would have not been here anymore. It's just really sad knowing I truly have no one around me who takes me seriously or cares about me due to me being "fine" or "such a survivor"…

i'm sorry u had to go through that, the medical system is fucked and nobody should be denied care like that just bc they were "acting fine." u deserve better and someone who cares, i hope ur able to find someone u can let ur walls down for

 

[yume_]

Lol I wish I was better at hiding, recently in class I almost broke crying, there wasn't a trigger I just spaced out and started to have suicidal thoughts. Managed to hold it in but I feel like I am one thing from snapping.