Venting sitting at the bridge tw SA trauma

[autonecrotic]

ive drove to where i have had my ultimate method planned for half of my life. im just sitting on the bridge wondering if i will have the balls to do it this time. my partner has invalidated my SA trauma and i dont even think they know that they did anything wrong, hasnt even apologized and i think this may be enough to give me the push me over the edge that i have needed. i will never escape this trauma, i have developed drug addictions, eating disorders, been in abusive relationships, self harm for 10+ years, have harmed myself in any form there was possible over this trauma and now having it dredged up in such a way is so fucking sickening i cant take it. my rapists get to live normal lives and dont even have to think twice about me, they have probably forgotten about doing it even. but i am forever ruined and i will never escape it no matter how much time has passed or no matter how much therapy or no matter how much time and effort i have put in to trying to recover from it. it is so sick and fucked up how the people who have harmed us and caused so much fucking pain in their disgusting paths get to walk free and never think of it again while we have to sit here in so much agony we eventually take our own lives over it. i want everyone who has ever caused so much pain in my life to suffer and it will still never be enough, it will still never even come close to the amount i have suffered and the amount of pain i have endured.

 

[cursedcassettes]

I know that feeling. I was sexually taken advantage of in a vulnerable point in my life about ten years ago, and I've definitely developed cptsd over it. Try detoxing, it should help.